Defiance

That is the only word that comes to my mind in the terrible situation I am apparently in. Today I finally met with Dr.Skubitz and he went through every scan ever taken and every note they ever received or written. It is quite amazing the situation that has occurred. He firmly believes that the cancer and tumor is from spots left over from my original tumor/cancer. It is hard to tell where the cancer exactly is at the moment but he said the first place they always look is at the lungs and he wasn't sure if it was there at all through the CT scans he had. The spleen and chest is where it is at for sure though. He is fairly sure that it has spread to other areas but he isn't sure. On Monday I am getting a PET scan done and see if anything shows up. Apparently, saromas don't always show up in the scans. The only real way to tell is through CAT scans. Well I wanted it done anyways just in case. Dr.Skubitz also isn't too keen on the drastic surgeries that were mentioned by the 2 previous doctors. If I think that is the best thing to do when we get farther down the road you are damn right I will get Dr.Maddaus to go in and try to do what he can. Unfortunately, he did give me a rough percentage of the cases like this he has treated before. 95% of the people do not live past a year once diagnosed with sarcoma. There is only a 5% cure rate. All I told him is be ready to see one hell of a fight. The tumor seems to currently be responding to the treatments and so they are switching me over to a different chemo but it reacts the same and has a better reaction rate with angiosarcomas. The only problem is the reaction to it once it is first given to someone. Right away people get extreme back pain and sunken breathing which will be interesting with my messed up lung. This new chemo really seems to deal better with my cancer. He has patients that have been on it for years and one guy for seven years. Another comment he said was,"with ths cancer and treatments we are just trying to extended ones life." Which my first reaction was,"No shit isn't that the purpose of the medical field to begin with!?!" Otherwise I was given a choice of taking it once a month or every two weeks. I elected to have it every two weeks and keep a constant dose in my body fighting and posibly increasing doses depending upon the reactions to it. Side effects are sensitivity to light(which I told him to look at me because I am the white guy on Earth), mouth sores, and hand/foot pain. I am almost considering the monthly dosage so I can just go and live a bit. I am also considering selling everything I have and living off of disability and that extra cash. Why the hell not? No, I am not throwing the towel in at all but it would be easier for myself and my folks to deal with. I feel terrible for my folks at the moment everything has to hit them like a ton of bricks since every indication give of the last few year was CURED. What do you do? What can I say besides I did it once lets do it again. Put yourself in thier shoes? It is hard but we can do it.
As for this past weekend I didn't really do much. I worked out with Chris on Friday night then fell asleep when I got back ruining my events for the evening. Saturday, I went to the Uptown Bar and watch a couple of bands called All The Way Rider(.com) and The Rockford Mules. I was a good show I picked up both bands new discs since I didn't have them anyways and I must say the new ATWR is fantastic! Sunday, I slept so much it was rediculous. I never did go out and take pictures. I am just so lazy at the moment. Then again I did go to the gym this morning and played raquet ball. That is one hell of a work out. I must thank Wendy for letting me use her raquet that she lended to me. I feel good otherwise. I have an acing pain in my chest and that is nothing new but I have had a pain med in a day or two. I am going into work tomorrow to just try and keep my mind off of things. I am also returning to Madison late Saturday night and all day Sunday moving things to my folks house in Janesville. I am putting my room up for rent. So if anyone know someone who wants to party on Badger gamedays and needs a nice walk-in closet. Have them talk to me. Friday and Saturday my two friends Noah and Andy along with my father and grand father(Saturday atleast) are going to Brewers games against the Astros. They will win and overtake the Cubs for the division lead soon I can feel it. Friday night though we are going to get there really early so we can get in line and try to get autographs. Which is a hobby of mine. I love it!