Wishy/Washy

Today I had an appointment with my oncologist to get the results of my biopsy. Ah I really don't know what else to say other than just my friggin luck. The tests came back inconclusive. Meaning they found abnormal cells which hints at cancer, but not enough to say it is an absolute thing. So it sucks ass. I am getting pretty pissed off. Even more so than I already am. I guess my sense of urgency to figure out what the hell this thing in my chest is has been too aggressive for UWH. My parents went with me this time and they had their answers ready and hopefully answered. They also took a look at how disappointed and pissy I am with them. Indecisive answers and reactions to everything it irritating plus my doctor seems to be quite non-comittal to anything. The fact that 2 biopsies haven't turned up a damn thing and that is so terrible and completely unsatisfactory. What do I have to do to have anything ever go right when it comes to medical stuff. I guess I can say that my doctor atleast gave me some ideas of what he thought it could be and what we might have to do. The cancer that they are starting to believe it could be is Sarcoma (http://www.sarcoma.net). Sarcoma is a soft tissue and muscle cancer which is very serious. At the moment all I know is that chemotherapy and drastic surgeries are the options to getting rid of it if that is the type that I am diagnosed with. If the tumor turns out to be of the germ cell variety Chemotherapy, surgery, and more than likely a bone marrow transplant. Sarcoma is a major cancer and anything related to germ cell tumors are classified as minor in most cases. This truly terrifies me to no end. I am up for the fight but damn something completely different than we originally thought. Sitting in the office showing my folks the CT scans I kept grilling him about the sense of urgency issue. After I thought about it more I really should have gone to the hospitals cancer center instead of the clinic. I am so confident that we would have already known what I am dealing with that I am tempted just to take my notes and scans and go over there this weekend. The best they could give me (because general surgery was closed at 5) was a "probably" Tuesday morning I actually told him I would do it in the parking lot tonite if we could.

I spent most of my morning receiving phone calls from various places concerning me transferring my treatments to Minneapolis, possible support, and my job. The company I work for is overly helpful with me and my situation. From the sound of things they might be granting me temporary work status at the Plymouth branch when I am not dealing with chemo and doctors. That is completely awesome. When things are done there I would return to Madison to work at my current location unless an opening happens in Minneapolis and I would apply for it. That last option would be the one I am gunning for. Currently, I am getting things done with my current rental situation and a few other billing items. Just trying to be prepared for the battle. I don't really know if I am just a complete asshole but I am so confident in my previous doctors in Minnesota that I only want their opinions and skills when it comes to major decisions in my treatments. Dr. Maddaus is one of the best surgeons in the country and he is a straight shooter. My finally surgery he entered the room and gave me his opinion like this, "So are we going to take that fucker out?". Talk about no bullshit and that is why he is the only man after my biopsy on Tuesday that will touch my skin with a knife. The oncologist I had was Dr. Leach. Not only is he awesome because he is a Packers fan he is straight forward and you can get a hold of him for anything at anytime needed. A dedicated oncologist who is one of the best out there. Dr.Leach actually is now one of the head doctors at St.Francis Hospital in Shakopee. Those two right there are some pretty great company to have on my side during this. Check out Dr. Maddaus's profile here: http://www.umphysicians.umn.edu/physicians_detail_OBJECTNAME_Maddaus_Michael_4163.html
and Dr. Leach here: http://sfrmc.netreturns.biz/Providers/Detail.aspx?ProviderId=a01a2e9e-94a1-4986-b933-17bde2ea0730


I am also planning to go heavy on a juice called Mangosteen. There are plenty of testimonials and studies done on it with mixed results. I spoke with a doctor who Sully's mother recommended and he went on and on about it. Then I had to give him the questions that most people would have probably hung up on me and he answered them all. Anything is worth a shot. Why the hell not?
I must say that I am quite worried about the current happenings. I mean it has been two weeks, two biopsies, and three doctors visits and there are no results. I mean what the hell!?! This time the amount of things running through my mind are incredible. I don't get much sleep sometimes at night and in a lot of pain. Not only that I busted open my stitch in my arm pit and it is a huge hole that leads me to putting a ton of antibacterial cream, gauze, and tape on my wound. Pretty freaking sweet. The other thing that is bothering me is that after this chemotherapy treatment I would pretty much loose any ability to have my own children. The chances are slim right now but completely dead after the next one. Then again I am single and not fore seeing it in the near future anyways, but still. Sorry Kristi, but I am going to officially naming Aubrey the child I can spoil like my own. She is also the cutest kid I have ever seen.