Where Do I Begin?

Let me say first off Thank You to everyone who was involved, showed up, sang, donated or just drank at The Looking Glass on Saturday night. There are a few people I want to especially point out and say "Thank You" from the bottom to the top of my heart. Jay and E-rock made the event happen and made it outstanding from what I heard. I really wish I could have been there. I heard Jay wore a pair of Dazzy Dukes for $200 and E-rock was one hell of an MC. I also want to thank Cindy and Diane for driving to Janesville and forcing people to buy raffle tickets. It really didn't surprise me to hear that those two were selling them at all. I also want to thank The Looking Glass who let this show happen and donated bottles of booze and bar $ to my funds. That is huge to find an awesome place that does things like that out of no where so to everyone out there who ever goes to Janesville please go in there and have a few sometime. It is still hard to phathom that there are so many people out there that you can know or not even know that come out to events like these and donate hard earned cash and items to raffles. Honestly, I can't believe that there are that many people out there pulling for me to get better and beat this thing. When I talked to my folks about the show I teared up pretty quick from thinking of all of the support that my family is getting from friends and complete strangers. It may sound a little wierd but I feel obligated to try and pay these people back some how or some way. The reason I feel that way is because they raised nearly $2,500 in raffle, songs, drinks, and donations. The thing that upsets me the most is the fact that I couldn't be there for it. All in all it sounds like everyone had a great time and I am really really appreciative of everyone generousity.

I know this is my first post in a while and that is from the internet being down at the Hope Lodge. Today I moved my stuff down to Traci's condo in Burnsville. I really liked staying at the Hope Lodge, but I needed to be out and about at night sometimes during the week. I have a lot of friends in bands and I would really like to go to shows and not worry about finding someones place to crash at because I can't get in after 9:30pm. It also helps me get a sense of normalcy back in my head. What I mean by that is out living on my own and taking care of things like nothing is going on. I seriously think this is going to be good for me. I am glad Traci opened the door for me to stay in her extra bedroom as well it is quite the generous offer. For those of you that don't know this, but I lived in a house with Traci and 3 other people when I was 18. So we at least know how each other lives and that is pretty good when you start out with roommates. As for the Hope Lodge I officially check out of there Friday morning giving me time to tidy up and go through their check list of move out procedures. I will be checking back in there on Friday Sept. 26th until I am back and good enough to be on my own from surgery. I still can't believe I am a month out from this thing I really am in the mood to just do it now and get it over with. I will take my chances. I just want to be back to normal and continue to fight and get rid of this nasty and destructive demon of mine. the funny thing about all of this is that I have learned so much about myself out of all of this. It is hard to explain since those of you out there are not me. Two things that are easy to point out is my sense of compassion and my determination have grown so much and I think have changed me quite a bit since this has all started over.

Thursday is when the internet went down at the Hope Lodge and I will give everyone a little update about what I have been up to since then. Thursday I was feeling absolutely terrible I mean down right sick and weak. Thats about the time that my blood counts are supposed to get low. 10-14 day after the initial chemo dosage is the low blood count time frame. I never got sick from it before but when the dosages build up over time the reactions get worse and worse as it goes. Friday, I was pretty sick still and didnt really get out of bed at all except for an hour at the gym. I slept pretty good Friday night which was an awesome change. The whole sleep issue is still a major problem of mine. I made plans earlier in the week to go grab a bite to eat with Jennifer, Wendy, and Jake. Then we went to The Uptown Bar and watch a sweet local show that had Gluv, Kingfield, Casanatra, and The Rockford Mules on the bill. We stayed and watched all of them but The Rockford Mules and went back to Jake and Wendy's house for the evening. All of the bands were awesome and I was super pumped to finally see Kingfield play. Kingfield's vocalist/guitarist Brett is a cancer survivor himself so I felt obligated to check them out besides tha fact that they are awesome anyways. Gluv was cool. They are basically a better version of their former band Vulvox as my buddy Chris pegged them as. Casanatra is always awesome and that needs no explaination. Sunday, I slept in really late and went to the cook out at Chris's house and played kickball at the monthly get together. It was a good time even though I was feeling too hot at all.

I don't know if I posted this before, but the pain is virtually gone in my chest and the lump and shrunk down to pretty much nothing. The only problem is that I am having the same terrible pains I had before in my chest in my left shoulder blade. I don't know maybe I pulled a muscle or strained it but all I know is that I hurts pretty bad. So bad that I can't sleep laying down on it. Not much I can do besides deal with it and tell the doctor when I go in for chemo on Thursday.

So for everyone out I must once again say "Thank You" for going to the benefit show in Janesville and I will post more up soon, but I am pretty tired at the moment and hopefully can fall asleep.