Pretty relaxed

Wow today I felt wonderful things haven't bothered me one bit. Physically I feel great. The lump on my chest seems to changes sizes during the day but it seems to be getting smaller and a bit more fatty in that area. I am not as worried today as I was yesterday about the results of the PET scan that I get tomorrow. As for chemo I say bring that shit on! I am also making an appointment with Dr.Maddaus the thoracic surgeon that I had the first time and I am telling him I want my spleen out now and if there is cancer in my left lung to help me out in the process of removing the whole thing or the infected part. What do I have to lose besides my life!?! My positivity today was through the freaking roof I love it. I went to work and was freaking busy all day and learned a ton of shit. Then I skipped Casino night here at the Hope Lodge and went and played raquetball with Chris at the gym. I am becoming obsessed about playing that game. I am not really good at all although when I got on a roll it was pretty fun. Then again Chris did beat me in 3 straight sets. I plan on going to the gym in the morning and biking for a while and get the blood flowing and make it easier on finding the veins in my arm since my port is messed up still and they dont seem to care.
I also made a few text messages to my friends in California to see if they were affected by the earthquake and luckily they weren't and that is awesome. I also talked to my friend Heather the other day and we are going to hang out on Tuesday and watch The Grudge. I don't know how many of you have seen that movie. For some odd reason I get so freaked out by it.
As most of you know I no longer live in Madison. Adam a regular during the football season and a pretty nice guy is taking my place on the lease and renting my room out. My room was up for rent for 2 days. hahahaha. awesome! I have four videos posted below that are song that are played every Badger game day at the W house. They are forever embedded in my brain. Great times with great people! Ask my dad he has spent a few games rocking the porch. So that makes it obvious that the next time I will for sure be in Madison is Aug.31st for the Zips at Camp Randall. Everyone has been fore warned.
This first song only Lawler will understand

A staple of our 90's music knowledge and it is just a good drunken college party song

It is always in the playlist and for good reason

Finally this is for obvious reasons....beer is great!

Nervous

I have spent all day worrying about the results of the PET scan. What am I going to do if it is worse than we thought? I am going to freaking lose it. If you were in my situation you would too probably. All I know is to keep plugging away and hopefully things will get better. This time is so much harder and difficult though. I know I can talk to anyone but, unless you are with me and see what is going on it is hard to talk about and have someone understand. The first time I had Kristi there for damn near everything and I know that made it so much easier on myself because she saw everything herself. Our friendship is so strained right now (not really knowing why it is) that I can't even talk to her just to calm down at moments. She simply refuses to talk to me and that hurts a lot. I know she has the most adorable child in Aubrey to take care of but damn 5 minutes please! That is something that maybe I took for granted the first time. This round is nerve racking for sure and I just keep thinking about the scan turning out in the negative. The thing Dr.Skubitz said is getting to me and I am just pissed off and terrified. Everything has been bad news I just want to hear something good that has happened in the ordeal. Something around the sense of you have very little cancer in your body lets kick the rest of its ass. I am hoping and praying that is what I hear but, honestly I don't think that is what I am going to get. I just keep asking myself as well why we didn't take my Spleen out 3 years ago when we say this nor did a PET scan right away. Maybe this damn thing has been growing for 3 years! Just a plethora of things running through my head. I cannot lie here keeping positive and strong is tough and I am still fighting and plugging away.

Lots going on.

Lets start out with Thursday night. I went to Eau Claire for the evening and met up with some friends of mine and went down to Water Street naturally and shot some darts, played Cruisin' USA, and drank some 50 cent tappers. Rough night huh? In the morning my friends Andy, Noah, and I made our journey to Madison so I could drop of a case of Pigs Eye beer for the guys at work to slam. I pretty much informed people of what was going on and shot the shit with them. It was good to see everyone for a moment. From there we headed to Milwaukee for the Brewers game. It was autograph night so we decided we were going to try to get someone/anyone. While we waited in line I slammed two and a half warm beers and decided that was it for drinking that evening. So once we were inside Andy and Noah ran like hell and wound up getting Corey Harts and I walked and got the solid lefty Brian Shouse which I am happy with. I actually was 5th in line for Shouse and when I got up to him I told him that I slammed two warm beers outside waiting to get in for his autograph and he laughed. I also addressed him like this, "Hey, Shousy!!!!" hahahaha. The game was boring as hell though but many good pictures were taken so those will be posted eventually. Saturday was a blast my Grandpa and Uncle Tom came with to the game and that is always and adventure with those two. My grandpa is full of one liners and my Uncle Tom is just plain funny. My old man went and sat with my grandpa up in some kick ass seats right next to the press box and my Uncle Tom sat with us in the bleachers listening to Uecker....it was hilarious. The game was boring as all hell because the offense was sputtering along until Ryan (MVP) Braun hit a two run shot to right center field and then the entire place erupted with chants of M V P and bring on the cubs. It was unbelievable! I finally could say first place Milwaukee Brewers! Obviously that didn't last but damn it I was able to finally say for once in my life and be proud of the team I never bailed on. Miller Park was insane after the game. Just total joy in the entire building. It was a playoff atmosphere for sure and I can't wait until Sept. when I try to buy my tickets. Then after the game on Saturday I went back to Madison and has some fine drinks at Luckys with the fellas. Sunday was move out day and that went pretty damn fast since there was six other there giving us a hand moving stuff to the truck and I thank everyone who helped out even though I never asked for it. Those are some good friends for sure. It was a moment when I finally realized I had left the W house. All of the memories I did retain and those I was told about the next day. I will for sure be back for the first Badgers home game against the Akron Zips. I got to keep the tradtion alive and well. Plus I don't want to see the shitty Gophers football team.
On to todays events. I went to the gym and blew off some steam by biking for 50 minutes then went back later this evening with Chris and played raquetball. I had a doctors appointment that I missed this morning but it was for a genral doctor so whatever but I did go and get the PET/CT scan done today. I was terrified to go in there. I am so scared to get the news back on Thursday when I see my quack for a oncologist. Nothing has been good news so I think I am pretty prepared to hear that it has spread to my lungs. It would be nice for him to come back and say that it hasnt spread anywhere other than my spleen and chest. Either way I am seriously terrified to know what I am up against. It isn't going to stop me from beating this thing but knowing how the process goes after they know is the scary part. They will either write you off or try to work with you. So we will see. This whole experience is pretty mind boggling and horrifying to myself. I haven't I catch myself think about the negative sides all of the time now but I know that if I keep plugging away and find the right help things can and will improve. Nothing is impossible. I am a walking talking sign of hope for people out there and I know it. I hear it from family and friends. That is an amazing thing and I am not about to let anyone down at all.
My folks are supposed to be coming up here on Friday so they can check things out and know I am taking care of business and adding a little pleasure in as well. That should be a fun time. I might go to the Warped Tour on Sunday though. I want to see Pennywise, All That Remains, Protest The Hero, and Reel Big Fish. We will see what happens there. Other than that my buddy Noah and I are going to The Varsity Theatre here in Dinkytown to see the UK pop act The Ting Tings. We heard them on the radio in Milwaukee and loved them. Other than that I finally get to jump on that new chemo on Thursday so I can only hope this works out a million time faster and more effective even though it seemed like the last one was working. I am pretty scared to do it thought I can't lie. I just don't think this Dr.Skubitz is even giving me a fair shake. I should hear back from Dr.Leach tomorrow about what he thinks. I might switch to him if he thinks he can treat it better. I atleast know he is going to give me an honest straight forward opinion.
The Ting Tings video is posted here

On a side note

Once again I can't sleep. It has been an on going problem for quite sometime. Oddly enough I haven't really lost it or freaked out my news from earlier today. If you haven't read it read that first! Sleep just isn't something I get on a normal basis unless I was completely shitfaced drunk. I am not resorting to that either. The doctors are going to be gettng me into to see smeone for it shortly though. So instead of sleep I usually watch music videos on youtube until I am flat out exhausted. I watched my friends bands video and realized that they shot the video in the house they live in and that I stay in when I go out to LA. My friend Jake is the lead guitarist. Check out the video it is actually a really cool video.

Defiance

That is the only word that comes to my mind in the terrible situation I am apparently in. Today I finally met with Dr.Skubitz and he went through every scan ever taken and every note they ever received or written. It is quite amazing the situation that has occurred. He firmly believes that the cancer and tumor is from spots left over from my original tumor/cancer. It is hard to tell where the cancer exactly is at the moment but he said the first place they always look is at the lungs and he wasn't sure if it was there at all through the CT scans he had. The spleen and chest is where it is at for sure though. He is fairly sure that it has spread to other areas but he isn't sure. On Monday I am getting a PET scan done and see if anything shows up. Apparently, saromas don't always show up in the scans. The only real way to tell is through CAT scans. Well I wanted it done anyways just in case. Dr.Skubitz also isn't too keen on the drastic surgeries that were mentioned by the 2 previous doctors. If I think that is the best thing to do when we get farther down the road you are damn right I will get Dr.Maddaus to go in and try to do what he can. Unfortunately, he did give me a rough percentage of the cases like this he has treated before. 95% of the people do not live past a year once diagnosed with sarcoma. There is only a 5% cure rate. All I told him is be ready to see one hell of a fight. The tumor seems to currently be responding to the treatments and so they are switching me over to a different chemo but it reacts the same and has a better reaction rate with angiosarcomas. The only problem is the reaction to it once it is first given to someone. Right away people get extreme back pain and sunken breathing which will be interesting with my messed up lung. This new chemo really seems to deal better with my cancer. He has patients that have been on it for years and one guy for seven years. Another comment he said was,"with ths cancer and treatments we are just trying to extended ones life." Which my first reaction was,"No shit isn't that the purpose of the medical field to begin with!?!" Otherwise I was given a choice of taking it once a month or every two weeks. I elected to have it every two weeks and keep a constant dose in my body fighting and posibly increasing doses depending upon the reactions to it. Side effects are sensitivity to light(which I told him to look at me because I am the white guy on Earth), mouth sores, and hand/foot pain. I am almost considering the monthly dosage so I can just go and live a bit. I am also considering selling everything I have and living off of disability and that extra cash. Why the hell not? No, I am not throwing the towel in at all but it would be easier for myself and my folks to deal with. I feel terrible for my folks at the moment everything has to hit them like a ton of bricks since every indication give of the last few year was CURED. What do you do? What can I say besides I did it once lets do it again. Put yourself in thier shoes? It is hard but we can do it.
As for this past weekend I didn't really do much. I worked out with Chris on Friday night then fell asleep when I got back ruining my events for the evening. Saturday, I went to the Uptown Bar and watch a couple of bands called All The Way Rider(.com) and The Rockford Mules. I was a good show I picked up both bands new discs since I didn't have them anyways and I must say the new ATWR is fantastic! Sunday, I slept so much it was rediculous. I never did go out and take pictures. I am just so lazy at the moment. Then again I did go to the gym this morning and played raquet ball. That is one hell of a work out. I must thank Wendy for letting me use her raquet that she lended to me. I feel good otherwise. I have an acing pain in my chest and that is nothing new but I have had a pain med in a day or two. I am going into work tomorrow to just try and keep my mind off of things. I am also returning to Madison late Saturday night and all day Sunday moving things to my folks house in Janesville. I am putting my room up for rent. So if anyone know someone who wants to party on Badger gamedays and needs a nice walk-in closet. Have them talk to me. Friday and Saturday my two friends Noah and Andy along with my father and grand father(Saturday atleast) are going to Brewers games against the Astros. They will win and overtake the Cubs for the division lead soon I can feel it. Friday night though we are going to get there really early so we can get in line and try to get autographs. Which is a hobby of mine. I love it!

A few things

Well I made one more phone call threatening to come in and look for Dr.Skubitz myself and gee guess what happened I received a phone call around 2pm asking if I can come in around 7:30am to see him. I told them that I would be there with bells, whistles, and a cup of coffee. I will post more tomorrow because I am pretty tired right now.

For my brother

Joel,
I did get you're text message and I haven't given you a response yet due to the fact I have not seen the Oncologist that they want me to work with. I felt that I had to atleast give you a response of some sort and that it would be a good one to post on this thing. From the first day I was sick the doctors told me that this is a rare thing. Who knows if it really is. This time they also think that my current cancer is possibly linked to the shit I had the first time even though it is completely different.
Would I be concerned if I were you? I would say yes and no. Yes, for the simple fact that what is known is that a majority of cancers are passed along in your DNA and I truly believe that as well. I also don't think our family really know shit about the medical past of our ancestors which leaves us at a disadvantage. The other items that I have learned that can affect the gowth of cancer is race, sex, age, employement, eating habits, whether you live in poverty, and location(example: great plains or so. cal.). Those are just the basics. The family history is still the biggest factor though and I would be alarmed especially since I might some day soon need a bone marrow transplant and ones closest match is thier sibling. No, Shit happens in life. Some people get dealt the crappy hand and I appear to be one of those people at the moment. I would say excercise every other day and build up your immune system and by far cut out 90% of the junk that you eat. Eating a healthier diet is actually a key factor in a lot of cancer patients resistance against it eating away at the organs. Just learning to cook and eat better is good for everyone and that is something I never really took to heart until I did the research on certain fruits and vegitables and learned their true benefits. On a side note paint chips are bad stop eating those.
Overall though if I were you I would get everything checked out and get yearly check ups sisnce a majority of insurances offer a free one every six months. I would also start eating sensibly and cutting down on alcohol consumption. I barely drink anymore and that is pretty amazing since I could pound them. That is all I have for ya for now.

what I am listening to at the moment

So I have elected to post up so music videos from youtube of bands I love and are currently listening to. Most people will hate them but tough shit I dig them

A7X
/

Bullet For My Valentine

Eighteen Visions

5FDP

This sucks

Well I woke up this morning around 6 am in extreme pain. My shoulder was going nuts. I don't know what the hell was going on. I don't think I rolled over on it at all or even leaned on it at any point during the night. Not to mention that I don't sleep much anyways for some odd reason. I had to call into work today and pretty much dose myself in pain killers. It was exciting. I pretty much laid back and watched movies all day. I did get up and go to the gym for an hour and do cardio like every other day this week. I called the hospital this morning and talked to Terry the assistant and she was going to page Dr.Skubitz and get things squared away for me then call me back later. Needless to say I am still waiting for a call. I am almost over the top pissed at everyone involved in this entire process. I am thinking of walking in there tomorrow and throwing a fit until they get they get me situated. I told her this morning that I am pissed and I am supposed to get a dye test done for my port, CT scan, PET scan, and then chemo in two weeks and I can't do any of that without seeing the doctor first to schedule it. Although Dr.skubitz was on vacation last week. My response was, "So why can't some one have booked me in to see him before he left?" I als got no response.
On a side note people have asked me what I think think of the Brett Favre situation and I have to ay that Brett is a big baby. The Packers are bigger than him and he can't seem to understand that he did retire(he filed the paperwork himself) and the Packers were goin to move one. He hijacked them in the off season for 3 years and that isn't fair to the team. Ted Thompson I must say has to call Bretts bluff and force him to reinstate to prove either one of them wrong. I personally would bench his ass and if Rodgers fails or goes down then we atleast have a capable back up....hahahaha.

Good day today

What a nice day! It was really hot out like 96 as I passed a bank on the way home today so I can only believe it broke 100 today. Then again this is Minnesota and it could snow a foot tomorrow. I started my first day at the Bloomington Gustave Larson and it was quite the experience. They pretty much dumped all of the compressor warranties on me and told me to go to town. I also decided to pick up the phones and help customers too. Screw getting used to my surroundings. I must say so far it is much different than the Madison and Plymouth branches. Not as busy and the atmosphere is waaaaaay looser. Brian is a pretty good guy he just expects me to show up when I can and take care of business. That was my expectation as well. I ran into a salesman Byron Schlager who remembers me from Plymouth then as all of the old time employees say, "how is you're dad doing?" Dad I am serious it never ends damn you for being a popular guy back in the day. the other funny thing was when people either got my e-mail or heard through the grape vine that I was in Bloomington they gave me a call. It was nice to know that I am apparently working my way up the Nuoffer popularity contest (Cousin Laura, don't be jealous of us). Then of course my buddy George had to give a call at 4:59pm and try to heckle me a bit. I must say to you George when you use you're phrase Bubba in the first sentence it gives you away. hahaha!
I still don't know what is going on at the Hospital with my appointments. I am going to call over there and throw a fit. Dr.Skubitz is apparently the hardest specialist to get in to see. My first reaction was well that is great that is why I kicked everything off about 5 weeks ago. My second reaction I dont give a shit lets set up the PET scan and CT scan and have them ready for when Skubitz decides to crawl out of the lab. Lastly, I am going back to Dr.Leech my first oncologist who isn't the most difficult person on Earth. From the gossip bugs around the Hope Lodge it appears that I am not the only person from the Madison area being jerked around a bit. I will still say that this truly is the best option for myself still. Madison was way more disorganized. Hell they had 3 weeks to get all of their own notes over to another doctor in thier system and less than a mile away. I will find some way of sticking it back to them and hopefully making it better for others down the road. I am pretty much bound and determined right now.
Since I have been back the only real person I have hung out with is my buddy Topher and his 3 year old daughter. Chris and I are officially gym rats together. I made it official with my signature at LA Fitness. The one we go to is in New Brighton. Since I can't lift he does a lift wieght lifting and I spot then we play hoops and go nuts on cardio. I fell pretty good after a few days in so I just have to keep it going. Otherwise that is the excitement for now and I am taking pictures of the facility and the area this weekend. Good night everyone and GO NATIONAL LEAGUE!!!!

Home Run Derby

Thats right the Home Run Derby is tonite on FOX. Cheer on Ryan Braun and Justin Morneau from our respective midwest clubs! My guy Grady Sizemore is also in it so I am pumped about it. So after Sabathia's well pitched game yesterday the Brewers are 52-43 at the break. They are only 5 games out of first place and stil a half game behind the Cardinals for second (who I don't think have the pitching depth to stay in the running for the division). Good things this second half I can feel it!

Hey all

Well the Rock Cancer Out benefits raised about $500 between two shows. Not bad considering one of them we didn't even advertise until the day before and the other was during a thunderstorm. All in all I can't complain. I have decided to donate the $$ to the Hope lodge here in Minneapolis. Talking to some of the people around here this place has given them an opportunity to get the right medical care with out going financially bankrupt. I know that feeling after my first fight with cancer. The Friday night show in Eau Claire was fun. All of the bands were great and a huge chunk of the people there were friends of mine and people I haven't seen in years. I do need to give Joey G from the House of Rock a great thanks for letting me host the first EC one there. If I ever get the opportunity again I will host another there it is a great place for live tunes and the staff kicks major ass. My overall experience from Friday night was quite amazing. My friends back home are so awesome damn near everyone of them made it out to the show. Besides that I shot the shit with a lot of them and the encouragement, confidence, and most importantly honesty was something that I really needed to get thrown back at me. At time those things almost seem to make me over confident/cocky. As we all know I am cocky enough. Saturday, I got back in my truck and drove straight back to the hope lodge. I was feeling terrible. I was nauseated to the max and was just plain hurting all over. This was pretty normal since it was my 4th day after getting my chemo treatment, but I never felt like that before and it kind of scared me a bit. I threw up from a tiny bit of nausea on Friday, but none at all on Saturday. The chest pains started up a little yesterday and were quite controllable with the oxycodone. Last night was the other Rock Cancer Out here in Minneapolis and I was so sick that I just couldn't do it. Good thing my good friend Topher was able to handle everything going on. I was pretty bummed because I wanted to see my friends that were coming out to it and we had a nice line up for the evening. The one thing I must remind people is that chemo is different for everyone and every round farther in you get the worse the sympthoms get. For me I know when my sickness is pretty much over. I try telling everyone that it is like the flu. When you are up all night with the cold sweats tossing and turning burning up not being able to sleep at all. Then add in nausea my chest and shoulder pains. I also really can't cough because it hurts so bad to do so. Same thing goes with sneezing, but that is ten times worse. When it is over it is like the flu you wake up feeling good and in a puddle of sweat. Needless to say I did laundry today. Not to mention I also had two of those nasty Hydranititis Suprativa under each of my arm pits pop and those damn things are gross. I don't know why I keep getting them I shower sometimes twice a day.
Today was a great day though. I just did errands in the morning which allowed me to get out for a bit and see the town again. I have yet gotten out of Dinkytown. For those of you unfamiliar with the sectins of Minneapolis I will explain. There are basically 4 parts of Minneapolis Downtown, Dinkytown(UofM campus), Uptown(a trendy area yet full of students), the city parts of Minneapolis. I am right in Dinkytown. Things have changed here so much over the past two years. Now that they have the football stadium halfway up the area is really exploding. Hopefully that helps some of you guys out though. I went to the music scene cookout at my friend Topher's house for a few minutes to see some friends and it was really nice. I know I say it a lot but I really do have amazing friends everywhere. Not much was said about my situation which is nice. Atleast Wendy got to see me so she can settle down a bit. It was on her birthday 3 years ago that I had gotten the results of a CT/PET scan for my check up and they found the curent spot on my spleen then told me they come across these everyonce in a while where it could be nothing and they wanted to just monitor it. Gee, I wonder what happened huh? I don't know if she remembers that but I do. So the rest of my evening was really nice as well. Heather came over to see the place and spend sometime with me. There isn't much to do around here so I showed here around the place and she seemed really impressed by the facility. We planned on watching a movie and I was shocked t learn that she has never seen Grosse Pointe Blank which is one of my all-time favorite movie. It is hilarious and full of action. John and Joan Cusak, Minne Driver, and Dan Akroyd play the main characters in it. Check it out if you haven't seen it. So we watched it and she liked it. I tried sit back and not to recite the movie line for line. She wanted to go for a walk which was really nice. We just talked about things and enjoyed the scenery of Dinkytown. I will have to get on the bal about taking pictures and posting them up on here. I am way behind by about a week on that.

Tomorrow I have to call over to the hospital and get the date of my doctors appointments and scans. There were some problems with the schedulings overlapping with other patients and so I was able to get it. I stressed the point I left UW hospitals over their incompetience. Problem is that Terry(Dr.Maddaus's assistant) is on vacation until tomorrow and she was in the middle of everything. This week will be busy because I will probably get all of that stuff done by Friday. I also have to get ahold of the Bloomington Gustave Larson branch right away in the morning to work on a game plan for working with them. Apparently, they are short a person there again so I guess I might as well flash my excellence and try to stick with them after everything is over and done with. I am going to try and head back down to Madison at the end of the month to finish packing up my room and taking in to my parents for a bit. After I do that I am putting up my room for rent and it will be good timing considering people are coming back into town and football season is right around the corner. For those of you out there that do not know where my house in Madison is located let me tell you. Go to Camp Randall Stadium's student section and look across the street at the house with the big Wisconsin "W" on it. It is a prime location for Fall and engineering students. That is the game plan at the moment. I am also starting up my 30 day pass at LA Fitness with Topher so hopefully I get in better shape. I haven't received any questions in quite a while so email something people.

Hello from the great white north

Yes I am in Minneapolis now. I haven't heard back from the U of M yet on a date for when I am getting everything rolling here. I will be calling her in the morning for that junk. Otherwise I left early this morning from Madison to come up here. I haven't had a wink of sleep in just about 36 hours. I lie down and close my eyes and i just can't fall asleep at all. I feel like shit from it too. I have a really nice room and view from the second floor of the hope lodge. I have talked to a few people but they really aren't too overly talkative nor open at all. There are a few nice people though so that is nice. We have assigned cabinet spaces for our groceries and the fridge has shelves with our numbers on it. I eat so much that my shelves are packed full of groceries it is pretty funny. The beds are sleep number beds and I haven't tried it out yet but I will be doing that shortly. There are 3 huge kitchens that are shared by certain sections of the floors and everything is labeled. I apparently have one of the better rooms from what the staff was saying. They were really interested in my case here because it is my second time with cancer and I am the same age as all of their children. It is an interesting experience to say the least. Everyone here seems to be older than me but I am not sure on that yet. The thing that really surprised me is that the people I met so far were the people who were caregivers. The building is packed full of things to do. There is a basement with a huge 65 inch tv that apparently no one watches, an exercise room, and a full free laundry mat. I am actually really impressed by this place. I also found out that the founder of Best Buy donated $5 Million to have this building built. That is pretty sweet since Best Buy is a Minnesota company. If need be they also have a free shuttle ride over to the masonic center on my days of treatment. So far so good. I will still have to get used to that whole 9pm curfew but what can you do? They also do not allow guests on 2nd and 3rd which is the lodging floors. I guess they do not want other to be distracted. oh and if you look out of one set of my window I have a full view of the new Gophers football stadium being built.

Ok I am off to try and sleep for once.

Sabathia time!

My friends Noah, Bill, and I went to Milwaukee to witness the CC experience in person. Noah bought the tickets and got us 4th row right off of first base a bit. If any of you were watching I believe it was the 8th inning when Mike Cameron fouled off a ball it landed two rows directly behind us I am just too short for that reach but I gave it a whirl in case it bounced, but yeah Noah and I were sitting right there and you might have noticed a bald head gleaming in the Miller Park light and you guys already know who that sexy feller was. Miller Park was simply besides itself with CC fever. He had to have gotten atleast 5 standing ovations and I thought pitched pretty good with all of the hoopla going on. Also to answer some questions that I know I will be asked. Yes I did get myself a Sabathia t-shirt that will get pretty worn out over the next 4 months. I just have to keep working on trying to find a cheap Hart jersey.

Today I also went to the doctors office to get my chemo and check up. I got yelled at because I apparently had an appointment to get blood tests taken that I never knew about. I ignored her completely and said maybe next time even though with them there won't be. That is because tomorrow morning I am heading out hopefully bright and early to go to Minnesota. I also must tell everyone that I didn't have a peachy time in the office at all either when I was that. They tried to use the port that was installed to draw blood but they couldnt get anything. When they ran saline in it to clean it out I could feel it go into the back of my neck and start popping a lot. That is seriously really scary and completely annoying. So the entire afternoon my neck has been cracking. I also felt really nervous today about receiving my chemo treatment through the port and so I made them stab me with a needle to run it into my arm. That didn't work out great either. They couldn't hit anything in my right arm a few times and got it the first time in my left. That was actually pretty amazing because all of the doctor I have ever had could never get my left arm at all. The dosages I had for the oxycodone and oxycotin have been upped as well because of all the pain I have had recently. When I told her what I had to take for it to go a way for a while she was shocked and changed dosages so I don't have to take as many pills at once. She also asked me if I have noticed any changes in anything and when I told her that the tumor has gone down a lot already she nearly freaked out saying,"that is unbelievable after one treatment" Then I explained to her how it was and the thing I have changed in my habits. Then she said it might be helping out my situation. I also asked her if I should going to work out more since this is a blood type of cancer and she told me it would probably help me out a bit more. Which is good because my friend Chris got me a 30 day pass for LA Fitness and we will be work out buddies hahaha. At the moment I am pretty tired but I think that is from the game. I did feel nauseated a bit on the ride down but I get terribly car sick if I don't drive and I have always been that way. I also had a talk with a rep. for Xango Mangosteen juice and he just wanted to hear my story and if I think there are any effects and I think there has been. I think the pure anti oxidants that it carries has helped break it down a bit and the arthritis in my knees is almost nonexistant. They are doing major studies with the effects of cancers and mangosteen and kind of want to follow me through everything since I am pretty early on at the moment. We will be in contact with each other and see how things go.

Last night I went out for a bit with my friend Michelle who is a sweet heart. It is really good to know I have a few people that I know that have been in and out of hospital for somethings other than detox or accidents. She understands things because she has diabetes and just the way things are when you have to constantly deal with doctors and meds all of the time and that is really reassuring for some things. The ine thing she did say to me that really gave me that fire again was when she flat out told me that she has no worries about me in this situation because of my attitude and strength. Some times I think I am too honest about this situation and that is what leads me to get down a bit. Being a 2nd around kind of helps and makes it harder mentally as well. All I know is that when I get through this thing I am buying a lot of drinks for people (within reason) and I am thing of changing things up in my life. My doctor said something to me before about this cancer being a product of ones lifestyle. What does that mean? Do I need to find religion/God? Quit the industry I work in because of all of the toxins and freon? I don't really know. I must admit to everyone that I was pretty athiest maybe agnostic of sorts after my first battle with cancer, but I did pray one day just to see if anything would happen and not even a week later is when all of this pain started to happen in my chest/shoulder. That was in March I think. Maybe it is a sign and if it is why would it be full of pain and heartache? I guess those are things for me to decide some day down the road. When all of this pain turns the person I consider to be the stronger person I know (grandpa Nuoffer) into a nervous wreck and saying that it isn't fair to his pastor it gets me nervous and worried all in the same. he has been through a lot over the last few years and this isn't something he should worry about at all. I feel that way about a lot of people that I know that were pretty shaken up by this all over again. Well I seriously don't want to continue to write about this stuff in this sense because I want everyone to know of everything that goes on here in hopes of maybe someday this blog being a way to help others out. I truly do appreciate the things everyone says to my father out at work. He does relay all of that to me. The people at Gustave Larson that I used to work with and currently do. Then my friends are completely rediculous this time in checking up on me which is awesome considering I think most of them were really scared about everything the first time. If you were in my situation you would understand that when I write this thing I look back at all of the people that I met throughout the years whether it was briefly or a dozen years and how everyone impacts the way one is and handles things in their lives. I am the first person to say my friends made me the raging, stuck up, arrogant, asshole I can be and it is great and I glad they did.

Whoa!

Hello my loyal minions,

Things have been pretty crazy around the ol HQ. Thursday was my last day at work in Madison until I beat this thing. That was interesting. I think I tied up my loose ends but who really know. Friday I went to the Brewers game where Burton Anderson took some cutomers and employees of CB&K. The seats were amazing and the Brewers kicked the living hell out of the Pirates. Of course Nate had a pretty good one. Hanging on the wall was a jersey and on the back it said "We Energies" So he asks my dad who Weenergies is? Obviously that one didn't stay quiet very long in that room. I am seriously glad they allowed me to tag along it was a ton of fun especially after a win. They eventually swept them and landed last years AL Cy Young winner CC Sabathia in trade with the Indians. They seem poised to make a run at the bullshit Cubs and the division title. The rotation is going to be awesome now. Sabathia, Sheets, Parra, and Yovanni at the end of the season. Please tell me a stronger starting line up in the entire league. It is fun to finally be excitied about this team Now we have to figure out where we are coming up with $800 for each seat for the playoffs. Saturday was fun and chill. I pretty much laid around in my boxers all day and watched Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia.....again. There was also a small cook out at my grandmas and that was entertaining as I threw some one liners out there during the entire dinner. Sunday, I went down to Summerfest and saw 311. They were great and played a wonderful mix of old stuff and a few new ones. If those of you out there around my age don't know who 311 is I feel sorry for you and please get out from under you're rock. Go to cdnow.com and look up their album Sound System and sample the tunes. I love that album. They radiate positivity and unity. Something the World really lacks.

For some odd reason though the pain in my shoulder was also rediculously terrible. I ust don't understand how it gets really bad in the evening/at night and is just fine during the day for the most part. I am running out of pain pills too and hopefully I get better stuff tomorrow because I am going to make sure he knows I need stronger. When I look back on things I think I might have been overly agressive with Dr.Hegeman but then again I have him running scared and he is getting me answers a hell of a lot faster. Maybe it worked then huh?

Tomorrow, I am going in for a round of chemo and that should be about an hour out of my day and then a meeting with Dr.Hegeman for a check on how things are. I have no idea when I have to go in there but I'll call in the morning. Then my buddy Noah and I are heading to Milwaukee to see Sabathia pitch his first game in a Brewers jersey. Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking but yeah that is how excited I am that they pulled the trigger on this trade. It's always good to hang out with your friends to especially with all of the shit that is going on. I suppose people also are curious how things are going and if there is any progress. At the moment I know nothing else besides I still have pain in my chest and left shoulder area. Things really wont be known for about another 3 or 4 weeks. Unless the University of Minnesota decides to actually do a PET scan. I am terrified to do one because I really don't want to know how bad it is. I meet with Dr.Skubitz Thursday and then I dont know when they are planning on getting me in for scans and tests. If everyone really wants to know my opinion I am fairly sure that drastic surgery will be the main cure for this damn thing. Of course I am game for it. Wouldn't you be? What other options does one have? I think fight and fight some more is the answer. I still am eating healthier and drinking green teas and mangosteen juice.

Thursday night I might play softball with Kristi's familys team if I feel good. I hope I am! I am pumped to get back out to first base for a bit atleast. Then Friday night is the Rock Cancer Out in Eau Claire. I am so excited to get this one of the ground in my hometown. It sounds like there are going to be quite a few people coming out to the show. I hope they bring their friends with. Then I head back to Minneapolis for the Next Rock Cancer Out show there. We have a killer line up there as well. Seconds Before is headlining GLUV and Thomas Built a Wall are opening up the gig. Three great bands on that one as well. It is good to know I still have the touch.

I don't get it....

I had a doctors appointment today at UW hospital with 15 year sarcoma specialist Howard Bailey. After I waited 45 minutes in a room his assistant came in and we went over my history and what is currently going on. His assistant is also a doctor of oncology. They both said that my oncologist at UWH is a really smart and good doctor. It still doesn't take away from the fact that the whole unit is completely slow and disorganized. They couldn't even get all of my medical files over to that location after they were requested 3 weeks ago. That is why I had to give them a history myself. That just pisses me off to no extent. I am so sick of their stupidity. Anyways this specialist Dr.Bailey really didn't say anything new. The big thing is figuring out if this is related to the cancer and tumor I had the first time. The first things they would do is take a CT and PET scan to determine exactly where and how much we are fighting against. If this thing spreads from the current tumor location and original starting point in my spleen there will be nothing to fight against except for time to extend my life. That is how serious the situation really is. I also told them that if they have to take out my chest wall and reconstruct it I am completely game. That could be an option if things don't turn around at all. There are so many options and not one of them mean a thing until I get through a few chemo sessions. Currently the lump on my chest seems to be shrinking but that is just from feeling it. The doctor also examined it and thought it was tough but pretty soft which was a little weird to him. The good thing is that they are familiar with my sarcoma specialist in Minneapolis. Apparently, Dr.Skubitz is a published author as well. They knew who he was right away when I said his name. It was a nice sense of relief knowing that he is noted in this field. Let get back to the point of there being so many what ifs and could dos that the only thing in my mind to do is continue to be as aggressive as I have been with doctors, my eating habits, and research. The one thing that they did let me know is that they aren't completely sure that this could be and angiosarcoma because of my history and the habits that type of cancer has. Either way I called the U of M and talked to Dr.Maddaus's assistant Terry and I told her what they told me and I have to send a copy of their medical notes up there for my appointment with Dr.Skubitz next week. Terry did tell me that they received all of my pathology reports and samples on Monday and did their own testing. They determined that it is a sarcoma tumor unfortunately. Not an angiosarcoma exactly though because they want to do more testing to make sure that this really is angio. The best thing that happened though was when Terry informed me that they determined it was a low grade sarcoma. Yes, they said it LOW GRADE! Which is awesome and not as bad as originally thought by UW Health. It still seems to be really aggressive though. So I am not out of the woods by any means this is still the beginning stages and a very ugly type of cancer that a majority of people diagnosed don't live through. Mark my words though.....I will live and beat its ass into remission.

I am so ready for this weekend. The fourth of July I am spending with my folks and some clients of my fathers work at the Brewers game. American Water Heaters is inviting us to join them in their suite. I have never been in a suite at Miller Park and Ben Sheets is pitching as well. I am so excited! I am sure all of you out there realize how much I love the Brewers and baseball in general. That also reminds me to let everyone know that they need to go vote for Ryan Braun to start in the outfield during the All Star game in NYC. Go to www.milwaukeebrewers.com and vote up to 25 times. Saturday will be a relaxing type of day with a small cook out at my grandmas house. On Sunday I am going to go to Summerfest to see 311. 311 is one of my favorite and most positive group of artists out there. Not to mention they are a really great live show. Other than that Monday is pack up day. Tuesday is chemo and sleep day. Then the moving day better known as Wednesday is upon us. I am so excited to get up to the cities and take care of business. It is also a wonderful thing because I can hang out with my friends in Minneapolis and Eau Claire more often. I will miss Madison too. There is no doubt about it. I have two great roommates, a cozy job, a good place to live, a few good friends, close to family, a hop away from Milwaukee and Janesville, and of course how can I forget Badger game days which are the reason Madison is the best college town in America.

More pictures from the good times vault.

This picture was of my good friend Ambah, myself, and my other good friend Wendy. We were at Shennans in Eau Claire dancing the night away. Oh and it was when I came back from Nashville for a weekend in 2005.

My best of buds Nate and I at my going away party in Eau Claire in 2004 right before I moved to Nashville.