What the future holds.

I am currently booking the next Rock Cancer Out Benefit that I host up here in the cities. Things are looking pretty good two bands have confirmed to the bill and they are pretty freaking sweet. The Hunting Club and Dallas Orbiter are the two confirms. I am currently waiting to hear back from two other to try and have the bill rounded out and get the fliers together and promote this thing around town.

The other news is that next week Tuesday I go into the doctor to get a chest x-ray not a CAT scan done. Then I see the Dr.Maddaus who was the Thoracic surgeon. He is going to have me do a few tests such as lifting things and movements to see the extent of the damage. Then he is going to be giving me a letter with restrictions and an OK to go back to work.....where ever that may be. I know his assistant told me to think the second or third week of December to be back and getting into the swing of things at work. I am pretty scared to go and have this x-ray done. They want to x-ray done to see how and if anything is growing back. If everything goes as well as can be (and I have been pretty lucky with those so far) nothing should show up. If there is something that shows up then there is a problem and we will be back and testing the waters all over again. I haven't really told my friends when I am going in again because I still have that little hint of bad luck that seems to follow me around. That and knowing that the cancer pretty much never leaves the body scares the hell out of me. That will always be in my mind. The way I figure it right now is that I beat it and I am done with this whole thing. Still doesn't take away from the fact that I am freaking terrified to do the tests and x-ray.

I know I have given shout outs to people but I am going to give out a nice long list of people and reasons for a few of them. There are quite a bit of people I lumped in to a group but everyone knows who they are.

Obviously, I have to say my parents and family. Take about handling a major situation and not backing down one bit. I know where I get my stubbornness and arrogance from. Yes, a bit overbearing at moments and that is something that really helped me to push and get things over with. Sorry it's true! Having all of them telling me to handle everything my way and don't let anyone tell me otherwise was actually a huge relief. Especially since I was going to be doing it anyways. Having that support system was a major relief.

W-house and crew in Madison. What an amazing group of people. Not one of them allowed myself to get down and out. Which is a common occurance with people their second time through. Having them keeping me active and running around kept my mind clear believe me. That and getting a bit crazy always helps out. They also look wonderful in cardnal red.

Kerry I need to thank you for getting me on mangosteen juice. I believe it did help me out in many ways.

Jay and E-rock for being the life of the party at the Janesville and West Allis benefits. Talk about out of left field support from you guys and that is awesome.

My former and current co-workers at CB&K and Gustave Larson. Just the checking in on me and asking questions is something that helped me clear my mind a bit. I'll see some of you guys soon.

Traci V. for taking in a homeless feller..... lol wino

The Hope Lodge people for being just that cool.

Michelle for looking me straight in the eyes at Luckys and telling me "You are to strong lose this fight". Certain things like that from other strong people are things I could not forget along this journey.....Currently, I think she was and is right but at that time I thought she was a bit nuts.

Chris Peters for just being that guy. Who doesn't love a good ol rock show benefit? That and making me go to the gym everyday and busting my ass. I also must say that he is pretty swell. My favorite quote from him was that I was too pretty to let cancer beat me. I laughed my ass off for a while after that one.

The oncologist that told me to accept the fact that there is no real help in sight for me. That would be Dr.Skubitz. Real motivating factor for me to prove his smug ass wrong.

My Minneapolis crew for still being the same kick ass people since the day I left the second time. hahaha. Everyone of them are different but all rule the same. It really showed at the benefit up here in the cities. The flock of people I knew that came out was amazing. The bands and artists that I know and deal with in town even showed up. Helps to know my wonderful self was missed just a bit.

Those crazy crazy Eau Claire people. Nothing changes there and they are all egging me on to do the impossible. They were there the first time and probably know me better than most so it was funny because it was almost like "oh, he is sick again? eh, he can do it a second time. so what else is new?" Honestly it was quite refreshing.

Joanne, Heather, and Amber for messaging, commenting, and e-mailing me. All of that advice and suggestions were taking to heart trust me.

I must say that I have to give the Brewers a shout out for giving me the joy to watch a playoff game while doped out on some major narcotics while in the hospital. Even though they stunk it up I did see one victory and that was more than the Cubs got.

Here I am again

Well I am continuing on with my work outs and relaxation, but I am going pretty stir crazy. I am also waiting to get back into the thoracic surgeon so I can get cleared to return to work and get back into the swing of everyday life. I have gone to see one of my favorite bands (Avenged Sevenfold), visited friends, and had good times for the Badger games over the last few weeks. Other than that I feel much stronger, but I sleep a hell of a lot more. Things are getting better overall though. I have also managed to keep most of the weight off and I sit right around 195. The one thing I have noticed was that I am putting on muscle and slimming down. It is kinda nice. I also watched a movie today that was really interesting. It was called Saints and Soldiers. A low budget WW2 film which is right up my alley. I highly suggest it if you are into that type of stuff or you can watch it through this link. http://www.hulu.com/watch/32278/saints-and-soldiers Well that is all I have for now and I promise I will update more frequently.

getting better

I am feeling pretty much repaired but I can't really lift to much. That is the only draw back that is going on at the moment. My chest area feels weird because the way that the plastic is stretched. Now that I am starting to get a little feeling back in that area I notice those things. I see the thoracic surgeon on Tuesday to go over a few things and hear his opinions. I also have completely ditched Dr.Skubitz that guy still irritates me. He was a good thing to fuel my fire though. I also still have to get my HIB shot that is on back order across the country. Yay! Another shot! I can't wait at all for that! Please understand that that was extremely laced full of sarcasm. Otherwise not much is new around here I am still drinking mangosteen for my knees and it still is working. I love it! I am also in the gym running around everyday trying to keep the weight off. I did manage to have some fun with friends this weekend and I will post the pictures below. I mean it was Halloween weekend why not go have a little bit of fun right? So my companion Noah came up with the idea of Pooh Bear and Tigger. We were quite the popular guys Friday night. Ladies loved it and dudes hated it go figure! Have a good day everyone!

thrice maybe??????

I am hoping to go see Thrice next month. I have wanted to see them for quite a while and they are playing with Rise Against who is awesome and Alkaline Trio who is ok.Thrice



Rise Against

I am feeling quite a bit better

Not much more to say than that. Not really. So this weekend was a ton of fun I went and hung out with a few friends who haven't seen me after the surgery yet in Eau Claire. That is always a good time. The evenings usually turn into us complaining about the Brewers situations though. Friday, I went to Madison and got into some shenanigans with friends as we awaited the Badger game day. So Saturday morning we got into our normal game day outfits and started having a good time. Then I was offered a free ticket to the game. Now keep in mind I used to live across the street from Camp Randall for two seasons and never went to a game. All in all it had been three seasons since I went to a game and so I took the ticket and went in at halftime with my old roomie Bill. The red machine finally played a good game it was pretty amazing. The student section wasn't filled up at all which was an odd scene to see. After the game I hung out a little while longer and then headed off to Milwaukee for the benefit that was being held for my medical bills. Now for some of you out there you probably don't know but nearly my entire family lives in Milwaukee which is where I was born. The benefit was at Jimmy B's trails end in West Allis. There was a ton of family, work friends, and randoms and it seemed like good times were had by all. There was so much stuff there for the raffle and it was amazing where some of it came from. I have a ton of thank yous and shout outs to people and so I will list them now. Jay, Erock, Diane and Tommy, Cindy and family, everyone in my family for coming out and keeping me entertained, obviously the kareoke guy, Kevin and Jimmy B's tavern, all of my brothers buddies at International Auto that came out or donated, and that is all I can remember at the moment. After everything was done we went back to my grandmothers house and conversed for a while about the evening. It was pretty nice. Sunday, I went back to Madison and hung out with the guys and watched football all day. Today I slept through my eye appointment because I set my phone to PM not AM. Pretty genious on my part. I went into the old Larson branch and caught up with the crew and updated my situation then I drove to Eau Claire and had diner with my buddy Maker. At the moment I am back in Minnesota.
At the benefit there was a couple that walked up with to me with a bag of stuff from the Milwaukee Brewers. I never met them before from my recollection, but the guys wife was a cousin of a cousin of a cousin or something like that. I am so bad with names it is rediculous I feel so bad at the moment. So to finish up this story. His son is friends with Larry Hisle Jr. who Larry Hisle Sr. is a former player and current employee of the Brewers and he went and got a bunch of stuff from him to give to me. It was pretty sweet. Obviously, I was happier than hell reguardless, but they gave me a few tshirts, baseballs, team card sets, a ryan braun and rickie weeks bobble head (which I actually didn't have already), and the prize posession a Jason Kendall game used bat. I was so shocked. The overall generousity of people is amazing, but the franchise that I have been obsessed about since birth was amazing.






So my excitement for this week is pretty much getting into the gym and work out a little bit harder just to see if I can do it. I know I know I know don't push myself blah blah blah. I don't lift anything so settle down people. I have a date with Humana since they magically missed a couple of billings to be covered. That should be a pretty awesome phone call. They have been really good otherwise. The woman that took on my case has been really awesome helping me out. My insurance has covered everything from my surgery which has been a huge relief since they thought some of it would be considered experimental. That means it wouldn't be covered in any which way. Some of you ask what my out of pocket is at the moment and that would be around $6,000. I am content with that since the benefits were awesome and I don't really spend my money on anything, but music and movies to occupy my time. I will be stopping into the Larson branch here in Bloomington to check in with those guys and see how things are going. Past that I really want to lay low until Friday when Noah and I head off to Madison for OAR playing at Freakfest. Possibly seeing Atmosphere at the Orpheum as well. That might be pushing it though. I still get tired easily.

To everyone out there I am doing well and overly appreciative of everything I have been told, given, or even briefly thought of. Thanks and keep reading up because I am still writing.

Continuing on with recovery

So things have been pretty uneventful around here. I am trying to lay low and not do too much. One thing I have been pretty hard on myself about is lifting things. I really don't want to hurt or ruin anything so I am trying really hard not to do too much of that stuff. Other than that my cuts are healing up pretty well. Some spots you really can't tell how bad things were. Where they removed my spleen they put staples in and they are really starting to hurt and I think that is because I am moving around more than before. Wednesday I go in to see Dr. Maddaus who wants to take the stitches and staples out then do a basic check up. I am feeling good though so I am not too worried about anything.
Last week I was in Janesville and decided to leave and head back up to Minneapolis on Tuesday. I made the rounds to a few places and showed off some scars. I stopped into CB&K in Janesville which is where my dad works and the company I used to work for. Then I went up to Madison before heading back and stopped into Gustave Larson to see people and chit chat a bit. It is always good to see old faces. I stopped in Eau Claire for a rest and hung out with my friend Andy for an hour and so here I am in Minneapolis. I stopped in to Larson up here on Wednesday and caught up with the store and the home office. Then next few months are going to be interesting. I don't really know where I am going to be living, my health is still a question mark, and I have some things planned coming up that will be a ton of fun. This past weekend I hung out over at Jake Hookom's house for the most part. He has done some major work on his house since I was last over there. I am very impressed by how nice it was. I also got a couple of nice meals too. His wife Aubrey can cook. I told her I would be stopping by more often. hahaha. Then the eye rolls came on. I also spent a bit of time hanging out with my bloomington crew just sitting around and shooting the breeze. Otherwise, I haven't done much besides sit around and watch movies. Oh I almost forgot. I went to the gym and biked for an hour on an intense level and I felt fine. Now that I lost all of this weight I have to keep it off somehow. hahaha. Things seem to be on the up and up and I am loving it.
There is also a benefit to help out my medical bills in West Allis (Milwaukee) on this coming Saturday. There will be Kareoke and cheap drinks. It is being held at Jimmy B's Trails End on Lincoln and 72nd. I will be there this time and there are a ton of raffle prizes that we donated. I would totally snap up raffle tickets for it if I could. Trust me some sweet stuff.

new tunes

This isn't new but Unearth have a new album out.

Killswitch Engage just rule! Dio cover weeeee!

Penn State @ Wisconsin

Sam said I needed help smiling.

Jess and myself rocking the W house porch

Sam, myself, and Michelle

Camp Randall from my old porch.

Badger band fresh off of suspension I had never seen them on Breese Terrace playing in my 3 years of being there. It was cool.

All Good Baby!

Here is the new news. This going to be a virtual continuation of the previous post. I have been out of the hospital for a total of 5 days now and I am feeling pretty damn good considering I just had my entire body thrashed by a medical firing squad. I still have a fair amount of stiffness where the incision for my spleen is but other than that I really am not having a lot of the problems that they expected me to. I have nearly a full range of motion in my left arm. Moving my arm straight up is a problem. The doctors flat out told me I they don't think I should ever play sports again so I acted like I going to comply to that but I will stretch the boundaries a bit I know I will. Dr. Maddaus set me up with group that develops braces and stuff like that. I am going to have to get some type of plate made up to cover the huge "hole" I have on my chest. It isn't really a hole in my chest obviously but it is a huge indentation because the doctors took the ribs that hold my chest up as well. You can actually see my heart beat through it so that is why I must get something to cover it. Considering all things I am up and moving around like nothing really happened and I feel better and better everyday. I am planning on going back to the gym at the end of the week and do a very little cardio just to get the blood flowing a bit and help out my lungs. The one thing I keep hearing from everyone is that I have an unbelievable story. I don't look at it that way at all. I consider it a complete nightmare that I had no choice to deal with. Anyone else in my situation would have done the same things I did or atleast I hope they would have. Although I kind of think this way I am planning on putting together a book of some sorts with my experiences from the first and second time. Not only that I think it is really important to explain how things go before and after the situation occurs. If it can help someone else who the hell am I to hold back right? So my old roommate Bill Cooney who writes for the State Journal sports in Madison is going to help me out by spell checking and junk. I am obviously not an english major nor journalist.
Right now I am at my parents house in Janesville, Wi. For those of you who don't know where that is look at a map of Wisconsin and go just south of Madison. I went up to Madison on Saturday for the slaughtering of the Badgers by Penn State. Too bad I wasn't drinking because I would have gotten lit up like a Christmas tree after that sorry excuse for a football game. I had a blast and hung out with a ton of people who I friends with. It was crazy being the only sober person there but then again I was messing with people all night long. Monday I will be going to Milwaukee to have lunch with some family and let them check me out and make sure I am ok. It should be fun. Tuesday I am heading back to Eau Claire for a few hours then back to the cities. I am pretty much going to be trying to figure out a lot of choices I have infront of me. There are a few that will be pretty hard and I usually pan out with everything I do so I'm not too worried. I will just like to say that I am planning on staying in Minneapolis and growing into the whole adult world and just get childish on the weekends..(doubtful but who knows). I feel a lot happier up there and more content with everything in my life. I am not bashing anything in Madison at all. You just know when things are close to right and up there they seem to be. I have a huge cast of friends, a job, a ton of stuff to do. I feel like it is right.
On a side note I finally weighed myself since I had the surgery and I am at 190lbs. I went into the surgery at 200 and came out 10lbs lighter. If you ask me that is pretty scary. Looking back at when I started this whole thing I would weigh in between 225-230. That is a lot of weight but I think a lot of it is from my work outs and healthier eating habits. I didn't really shed pounds on the first couple rounds of chemo so I doubt it was that.

Anyways I will talk to you all later.
-Justin-

The past week

I went in monday and had the surgery done to possibly remove all of the cancer from my body and allowing me to live my life. I was in ICU for just that night and let me tell you I was in the worst pain in my entire life. Even with the narcotics and epidural it was insanely intense. Not a lot happened really between then and now. I apparently have progressed really fast for the amount of items and removed. The first few days they just want you to get up and stand. I got up and went for a very short walk. The other big things have been working on my breathing exercises since my lung was heavily worked with. My lung is a lot better now but I have to adjust to breathing with my chest wall gone. The area is tight and seemingly sturdy. There is going to be a lot of adjusting to movements and ways I sleep. To those that called and left voicemails I did listen to them and meant to call you all back and my excuse is I forgot everyone who called because I was so drugged up. I must say sorry for that. Otherwise this whole experience has taught me a lot of things and I pretty much have to figure out how to use those experiences. This hospital stay has been a rough one. I haven't slept much and have had so much trouble with sweating out the drugs. Pretty nasty stuff. So I have watched a lot of late night TV. I did get to watch the Brewers play and they were not impressive at all. Then again I am still delighted that they made the playoffs. I wish I could have been there. Yesterday I was not hooked up to anything and was able to go outside for a walk. So my mother and I went out to the courtyard here and read the plaques about the University of MN's history and it was pretty nice out. Just a nice relief to get out and get fresh air. Well that is all I am going to write right now I am tired so I am going to nap.

I'm working hard.

hey everyone i am writing this quickly from the 6th floor at u of mn-fairview. so far the surgery was successfull. my spleen was removed and did have angiosarcoma in it. A nice section of my ribs, cartilidge, and muscle was removed from my left chest wall then there was a small portion of my lung that was removed as well. the recovery is coming along becuase i am making myself do all of these tests and push my body into the form it needs to be so i dont get infections and asthma. otherwise results did come back from all of those areas and could tell were tumorous they were full of angiosarcoma as well. the areas around the noticible areas that were extra muscle and junk were ot cancerous at all. most of that is good new but because it is in my spleen and it pushes blood will have a chance of getting it back later in time. from here on out i will have a PET scan every 3 month until the end of my life. I still think i did the right thig. if any of my friends out there want to come down and visit me. text me so i know and can keep a look out for ya. i am having two chest tubes removed tomorrow which hurts terribly also i am having my epidural removed as where and i will be on physical pain meds.

i want to thank everyone for the support and kind words. it is unbelievableeverything i have heard from complete random strangers and best of friends. I am so overly appreciative of everyone it brings me to tears sometime. THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!

I'm ready to go!

This weekend has been absolutely amazing. I can honestly say I probably have the best group of friends I have ever had in my life. Friday night I went out with my old roomie Jake and some friends to Gluecks in downtown Minneapolis and watched the buzzaroake and had a few beers because I said, "why the hell not?". I had a really good time and with really good people. Saturday morning sucked for the most part. Hangovers suck for the most part! Yeah, blah, blah, blah I know you shouldn't drink before you're surgery. I know I was going to be clean, but I had to get it out of my way a bit. The funny thing was I only had 3 liters and a couple of tall boys. This whole cancer and surgery is really effecting my drinking skills. hahahaha. Know it is bad when you are ranked and the person who can drink the most on facebook. So Saturday I went to check back into the Hope Lodge and gotten that taken care of. Then I went down to Club Underground for my benefit show. It was a very shocking to see the amount of support I got from people and random people at that. Yeah I know I do the same thing to other people but try being in my situation and having you're friend, family, bands, bar staff, and random people coming up to you telling you stories and giving best wishes. It was freaking nuts. I had my easy button repeating thank you all night long. The show was spectacular. All of the bands were bad ass and on their game. I must admit that I was pretty skeptical of the bands on the bill except for two of them because Chris and I never worked with them before. No worries anymore. Having the Stnnng drop off of the bill was probably more of an advantage considering Ouija Radio jumped on and brought a bunch more people with them. Dallas Orbiter would have been awesome to have seen, but like I said take care of family issues first.

If I had to rank my favorites of the night by what I really dug it would look like this:
1.Ouija Radio-I have waited a while to see them including 3 misses in Madison that I had other things happening. Considering they jumped on the bill with 3 days notice they sounded fantastic and were fun as hell to watch. I also talked with their drummer and guitarist/vocalist(who had ovarian cancer). Super nice people and hopefully I can book a few shows with them in the future.
2.Casanatra-The new tunes ruled and of course they just flat out kicked ass. Dennis seriously has the best vocals in the entire scene.
3.Orange Blank-I haven't seen them since Josh joined the band and they are a million times better than before and I really liked them before. Chris also wrote a song called "5%" in dedication to yours truly.
4.Chooglin-As some of you know that when I really got into music I listened to bands like Reel Big Fish, Goldfinger, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Pennywise, and so on. Thier horn section totally made me go back to those days. They were fantastic and closed the show on a fun and excellent note.
5. Landspeeder-Pretty new to the scene, but the songs were excellent and reminded me a bit of Nada Surf by the story telling song style. Those guys will be around a while.
6.Country Dollar Love-The odd ball of the bill. A country band which is normally a rock band. Funny isn't it? They played some Cash tunes. but since I don't like Johnny Cash I didn't care. They only the other hand were actually very entertaining to watch.
7.Condo$-I liked them for the first 5 songs and then it got really repetitive. They have a lot of stage prescence and I would totally want to book them for a few shows myself. The guys I met in the band were cool cats.

I haven't counted anything yet from the door, raffle tickets, and people giving me money I am guessing just over $2,000. That put the grand total to $4,500ish. My bills are almost paid off so that is awesome. I really must thank Chris Peters for putting the whole thing together, Mike(DJ Filth) for being a sweet MC, Josh from Club Underground doing the sound, and to all of the people who donated things to the raffle. It was a great night and I had was feeling great and lucky then went to the casino with two of my friends and put everything on black. No, I took out $60 of my own cash and realized I wasn't that lucky at all. It was awesome though.

Today I went and watched the Packers lose with my friends. I was actually really itching to listen to the Brewers game. I got in my truck afterwards and then listened to the Braun 2 run homer in the 3rd and right then and there I knew they were in. They won and the Mets lost giving the Brewers the wild card spot for the playoffs. I have waited my entire life as I am sure many of you out there have to see this team finally get back to post season play. I shed a tear of happiness over this team finally. Considering we had tickets for this entire weekend series I am a bit dissapointed not to be there to see this moment I have waited for but I don't need to be there to know that my team finally did it.

One last thing wish me luck tomorrow. I am really nervous, but it is time to take care of this thing and finally live my life again. If curious at all I will be at the University of Minnesota-Fairview. I have to be there at 5:30am for prep and surgery is scheduled for 7:45am I am booked out for the entire day in the OR. They say 4 to 8 hours long the surgery could be. I am going to keep my phone on so if anyone wants to know how I am doing you can call 612-210-0626. My folks will have it on them. I should also be in the ICU for a day or two then out to a room for who knows how long. I am ready and it has been a journey from hell and there have been a ton of good things that have come out of this so far. I'll write you all afterwards sometime when I am able. Thoughts and prayers are accepted at my window so wish me luck!

waiting game

Here I am basically waiting for Monday morning to pretty much decide my future. It is bothersome knowing out of all of the surgeries I have had. This is the most dangerous and crucial one out of them all. Not only that I get a little freaked out knowing that they are going to put me out then magically wake up sometime in the afternoon in ICU. I have know idea the amount of pain I am going to be in. Not exactly my idea of a picnic or a walk in the park. The hospital called me today and went over things one more time and it sounds like they are going to be taking the muscle from my abs to cover the goretex. Which they say leaves me more likely to have a hernia down the road. Oh yeah just another thing to deal with. My days of playing sports are probably limited for quite a while. Other than that I am enjoying the fact that Ned Yost is not the Brewers manager anymore and they are tied for the wild card after getting down two games. Suppan better not blow it against the cubs this weekend. One of my favorite players Ryan Braun hit a grand slam in the 10th to win the game last night. It was awesome. I will be sporting the Braun jersey tonite when I head out with some friends to Gluecks for buzzaroake. The Twins game fell through tonight, but whatever it is the Twins.

Brauns Grand Slam

http://milwaukee.brewers.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?mid=200809263551541&c_id=mil

Noah's take on that situation:

Dear Jesse Chavez,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking batters in a high pressure situation.

signed,
Derrick Turnbow

Show updates

Everything is still a go for the shindig on Saturday. The Stnnng had to drop off of the bill due to scheduling conflicts within the band. I don't know if I buy it but whatever. I was really looking forward to finally seeing them. I have a couple of their discs that I enjoy. I guess Dallas Orbiter had to drop off of the bill due to a death in the family. Family first go take care of business. Chris did land one of the more popular bands in Minneapolis called Ouija Radio for those of you in Madison that go to local shows you might have seen them because they play there quite a bit. We will see how they draw on short notice. I am really looking forward to this show. Casanatra is an awesome band that I have seen a billion time and have played my Rock Cancer Out gigs a few times. They are true veterans of the music scene that still bring it. If Dennis or Lance are reading this just remember that I expect to hear Death Ride simply because that song rules. All in all it is still a killer line up and I can't wait for Saturday to get here.

Ouija Radio

Casanatra

Heres what went down today

Brewers win! They are still a game and a half behind the Mets with 5 games to go. Personally, I think that they are done. It is just nice to see Ned Yost isn't in the dug out.

On to the reason you people read this thing. I had a PET scan this morning to see if anything shrunk or changed. I was there on time and in a crabby mood since I was only able to muster up a couple of hours sleep. Now for a PET scan they have to do a couple of things. Since it is a radioactive sugar that is put into your body they test your blood sugar and they said I was in the perfect range. One less thing I have to worry about. Then they inject it into your arm through an IV connection is is pretty cold going in then they put you in a room for and hour or so to relax and let it work its way through your system. I was so tired and I still couldn't fall asleep I pretty much sat there staring at a wall. It was entertaining trust me. Then the scan last 20-30 minutes and it is the same thing as a CT scan. From there I went back and forth between two departments to get my immunizations set up because that wasn't done. 45 minutes later they got me in a room waiting to have them done. The nurse walked in and said my HIB shot is on back order and that there is a national shortage on it. Damn pharmacutical companies! They are probably holding out for more $ like they seem to do all of the time. That should be a crime. Then I went to go see Dr.Maddaus for the last time until the surgery on Monday. He walked in the room sat down and looked at me then said,"I am going for full rectration of this thing we are getting everything.". I told him,"What other option do I have?". He did say that he didn't think the spleen should be too bad to remove at all. The chest wall should not be an obsticle for him at all. He said he went back over the scans (including the one from earlier) and isnt sure about the spots on my lung. They are close to my heart and he asked me if they are on the heart would I be against having a cardiac surgeon working on me and I said as long as he is good and gets everything. The other thing was depending upon how deep the spots on my lung are when he gets in there he might have to take the upper part of my lung. Once again I told him to take care of business because I don't want to come back. He also said that I will probably be in ICU after the surgery and that depends upon what happens when they are in there. I am trying to think of good things and how I am due for something good but my history with this shit says otherwise. I am scared. Wouldn't you be with all that is going to be going on and the unknowns? I did ask about the length of the surgery and they said I am booked out for the entire day so 4-8 hours. Lets hope it is on the short end which means everything went smooth. That is what I can remember at the moment. I am so exhausted that I am not thinking straight. Which means this is the end for now.

Some pics from previous events

6 days out

That is right I am six days out from my surgery date. Tomorrow morning I have to be at the UofM for a PET scan to see if the tumor has shrunk anymore and to see if there is anymore action going on. After that I have to run up to General care and get my 3 vaccines to help with infections and sickness after the surgery. The I have to run back downstairs to meet with Dr.Maddaus the thoracic surgeon. I am meeting with him because I want to make sure that everything is a go and the other doctors are on the same page. It didn't really hit me until a little while ago that I am getting so close. Especially since I have waited so long to get to this point. I have that little anxiety tingle in my stomach and it is really annoying. I just can't believe that in seven days I am going to be in full out recovery mode. I am ready to get started with the recovery and hopefull end of my cancer battle. Just to remind people that this surgery doesn't mean I am cured of cancer. This is a shot in the dark. I know this will finish my fight with this crap. I know it. Anyways, I am going to have a full day of junk tomorrow and I really hate doing all of this crap. Why can't people have their shit together the first time and schedule everything right in a row. I hate driving back up there all the time for stupid crap that should have been done the first time. Other peoples stupidity is other misfourtune. Isn't that how it goes? So yeah back to this six days out thing. I am really going to be busy this coming weekend. I do hope to take it easy though atleast a little bit. I can sleep after surgery. hahaha. Friday night I am going to the Twins with a few friends and probably over to Gluecks afterwards for buzzaroeke. Saturday is going to be super busy I am going to be checking back into the Hope Lodge with my folks then probably a bite to eat. I have to be at Club Underground around 4pm for the Benefit that Chris put together. I am really looing forward to seeing everyone who comes out and the bad ass bands playing the bill. Sunday will be a chill day but the Packers are on so I might watch the last game for a while with the Green and Gold crew. Who knows? I am pretty much going to be playing everything by ear. So much to do and so many other people involved. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I will be in the gym doing a ton of cardio to get my body a bit more in shape for the upcoming journey. I am still pretty scared about the whole thing. I mean the doctors told me that they have a general idea about what they are going to do when the open me up but don't have a deffinate plan until they see what is going on. You tell me how calm you would be in this situation. I am holding it together pretty well for the time being and I am sure I will lose it Saturday night at some point. When you're name is the reason people are coming together to raise money what do you say? Thank you just doesn't cut it with me. It is a level of appreciation beyond normal gratitude with me. It is hard to let others understand what I am saying. This whole experience has shown me personally that I have some unbelievable friends, strong family and family friends, and there are just great people out there that don't know you at all and they I would like to call the randoms. This journey so far has pointed out who my really close friends are and those who are just nobodies to me now. I want to point out one person in particular who has really shown and told me what true friendship is and that obviously has been Chris Peters. Beyond the normal friend call of duty and I hope that if the table were turned I would do the same for him. I am a big name dropper when it calls for it and this has been warranted. It has been quite amazing. I also wish I could have been at the Janesville benefit last month. That still really bothers me a lot. There is another Kareoke for the Cure set up at my favorite bar in West Allis(Milwaukee) Jimmy B's. I grew up in that bar and if you don't believe me ask my parents, grand parents, or Kevin the bartender. I believe it is set up for Oct. 25th. I myself have been kind of a flake during this whole thing and have used it as an excuse for a few thing. When I caught myself being a jerk and milking it I cut it out real quick and have went back to my standards of working hard and making things look easy. Lets hope I do the same during this recovery. They culdn't keep me down when I have the open heart style procedure. It would take most people three days to get them to walk to the door from their beds and I was up walking around the hospital. Nothing can stop me for getting to the point that I want to be at.

The music update continues. I did buy the new Avenged Sevenfold disc that is unreleased stuff from their last two albums and a live DVD from their Long Beach performance on the Taste of Chaos tour. The unreleased tunes are so good they are basically well polished stuff that they didn't have enough time left on the album to put them on it. The DVD is awesome and totally captures the band in their element. I saw them in Milwaukee this past winter with J-Riv and they were pretty freaking sweet then I saw them back in last fall when I was in So.Cal. at the Warped Tour. They are a great live band.

This is the live version of Afterlife from the DVD

This is the music video you can see how good the two guitarists are because they don't miss a note live

Side Note

I feel pretty good this morning and there isn't really any other problems besides my hand and feet feeling like they are completely raw. When I soak them in warm water they feel so much better. I haven't been able to find the skin coat yet. No one seems to have a clue what the hell I am talking about so I elect to just continue my search quietly. The rash has gone down so much and the itching and pain has really subsided. I am thinking of hitting the gym for a little bit. Since my gym pass is for the New Brighton location I will be driving over the new I-35 bridge. The bridge opened up this morning I think. Pretty crazy to think that thing collapsed and a year later they rebuilt it wider and supposidly able to help eliminate some of the chemicals from exhaust. It is going to be awesome not to take all of the crappy detours cutting through Dinkytown. Well that is all I got for now.

Random Things

Today was a really odd day. I did go into work and talked to my manager Brian and told him that I was done working until I am healed and back from surgery. The dermatologist suggested to me that I try and lay low and not do much of anything at all so my body and skin can heal up properly. I was done with work next week any how so it didn't seem like much of a big deal to me timing wise. The rash has really started to look like skin again. The itching and burning has really subsided alot. The discoloration has also started to go away. Not bad for one day of using 3 topical creams and a wash cloth with vinegar on it. I am confident it will be cleared up for the most part by Saturday or Sunday. The tiny purple spots have been going away after two washes with the peroxide soap. Obviously, certain areas are better than others. I need it all to go away soon though to make sure I can workout hardcore and be ready to go. Tomorrow, I am going to go up to the U of M hospital and get my immunizations at the general clinic. The three immunizations that are given are for pnumonia, influenza, and meningitis. They generally want these shot to be given right at 14 days before hand so it has enough time to circulate through the body and do its job. I haven't talked to Dr.Chipman since I was last in the surgery office. One thing I do for sure remember about Dr.Chipman was that they do not relay information to him very well and he didn't seem like much of a morning person. I just don't hope all three of the surgeons go out party and tie one on for the football games the previous day. I don't think I would enjoy that.....hahahaha.

Albums I've been jamming

I am just going to use a simple out of 5 rating system:

1 worst album ever

2 a dud but one or two good ones

3 completely average

4 great tunage

5 classic album

Metallica - Death Magnetic 4/5

Slipknot - All Hope is Gone 4/5

Craig David - Trust Me 3/5

Katsumoto - Burn em Down Wipe em Out 3/5

Mitch Hedberg - Do You Believe in Gosh? 4/5

I Hate Kate - Embrace The Curse 3/5

Taproot - Our Long Road Home 4/5

Amon Amarth - Twilight of The Thunder God 3/5

Nick Swardson - Party! 3/5

That is what I have bought and listened as of lately or over the last two months. All of the albums were enjoyable, but like you can tell there were are few that I was more impressed with. The new Slipknot disc was really heavy and the song were more standard than their previosuly written stuff. Metallica's Death Magnetic is a perfect mix of the old school albums like And ustice For All and Ride The Lightning mix with their newer ones such as Load and Reload. Great disc to listen to when needing to get pumped up. Taproots new album came out this past Tuesday and I must say that it is enjoyable. Closer to the lines of their last album Blue Sky Research that was a more commercial rock type with well written and lovely heartfelt songs. This means it is night and day from their first release, Gift. Which was easily one of the heaviest albums I have ever heard. The thing I love about new Taproot is that they are not that typical metal band that has lyrical content that is all violent and negative. That trend seems to be dying out of the genre all together though which is nice to see. There are more songs being written about politics, life, and positive moments. As for Taproot the lyrical content is mostly about life in general. Mitch Hedbergs newly released album is by far his funniest one to be released and it is a shame that the guy had such a major drug problem and passed on from it. He was a comedic gold.

Dermatologist

Well I am a couple weeks removed from the chemo dosage that I last got on the 28th of August and I still am not back to feeling like nothing happened. I do feel quite a bit sluggish. Although as I stated before I had a rash on the side of my leg. The general doctor I went and saw said it was probably a small yeast infection that can be cleared up in a week with an ointment. Well I used the ointment and it started to get worse and spread. On Friday, I called the doctor to inform him that things have gotten much worse and it is very painful to move at all. He told me that I would have to see a dermatologist to get a better answer and the correct diagnosis. They sent me to a dermatologist in the Uptown area because the University of Minnesota's dermatology clinic was booked all the way out to the middle of October. So I get into Uptown get a bad ass street parking spot which never happens in that part of town. Walking was quite the chore since the pain and itching was so intense. I had an anti bacterial cream and antibiotic on it to help and it really wasn't at all. Then I had to climb stairs and that was extremely painful, but atleast I was smart enough to bring my bottle of oxycodone with. The problem is that the infected area seems to dry out and clamp onto any type of clothing it is next to. I also has cracked and started bleeding. Anyways, I get into the room and I go over my current medical history, family history, medication, and the situation assessment with the doctor and and then he looked at it and took swab tests for a bacterial and viral infections. He believes it is a combination of a yeast infection and a bacterial infection. To no surprise it has gotten infected in one area. Naturally, I was like well write up the prescriptions and tell me which ones to use when and how. Before I go any further I have to tell you that these tiny purple dots have been showing up all over my body. When I was pulling my pants up he saw a patch of them on my leg and he stopped me and asked me a bunch of questions about them such as: How long have they been there? How bad do they itch? and do I see blood in my urine? My response was that I have only noticed them within the last week and they itch pretty good in certain areas of my body and I am not peeing blood at all. The spots appear to be connected to where hair folicles come out of the skin and means that it could be nothing but a need for a soap called Benzoyl Peroxide. It is used in extremely bad cases of acne or infections at the hair folicles entry. Now I did not get the name of the condition because it was goofy and long. The other condition is not a good one and it shares the same name with another one added to the end of it. The only way to really determine which one I have is to have a biopsy done. Oh boy just what I wanted to hear. This other condition is actually the start of something that can possibly push back my surgery date. The spots could be an indication of blood vessels dying out at the ends. That could be an indication of a problem with my kidney. After the doctor told me that I had a moment because the surgeon performing my splenectomy said that the tumor is right next to my kidney on my spleen. Dr.Chipman also said that tissue transfer from the tumor on my spleen to the kidney was a possibility. Now obviously this has me worried. They I mean how many more problem could one guy posibly have. I have lived much healthier and been much happier since everything started up over again. Back to the Dermatologist. He wanted to do a biopsy and he said that it is easier to get skin from the buttocks. My response was please don't tell me I have to bend over to far. They shot my right cheek up with lidocaine and took a smalle portion and put in two stitches. I have to not get the Peroxide soap into the area where they biopsied because I will be screaming at the top of my lungs and it dries the skin out a bit. To get a jump start on the hopeful outcome of the biopsy that is why he set me up with the soap. I was given some pretty large instructions and a good amount of perscriptions. Before I put the ointments on the infection each time I am supposed to clean the area with a 3 parts tap water and 1 part white distilled vinegar mix. I have never heard of doing that before and the dermatologist said vinegar is actually a great way to help clean and kill bacteria out of rashes. I never would have thought in a million years but reguardless I am doing it each time. I am also supposed to mix the Ketoconazole(instead of the originally prescribed stuff that he believes I had an allergic reaction to) for the yeast infection part and the Hydocortisone for the bacterial infection on the infected area and put a towel with the vinegar mix over the top of it so the skin can absorb it better. I am supposed to do that 3 times a day for 30 minutes a crack. After two times already I am seeing a difference. It doesn't hurt as bad as it once did that is for sure. Then I was also given Mupirocin ointment to put on 3 times a day to help cleanout the bacteria. The vinegar hurts quite a bit when using it to clean the area, but I have never felt a burning pain sensation like I do with theMupirocin. All in all I have seen a small change already and that is great. The constant pain from that area has gone away and has subsided.
I also made an appointment with Dr.Maddaus the Thoracic surgeon again just to make sure we are on the same page with all of the doctors involved and to see if there is anything else I need to do. My concern at the moment is that this infection doesn't go away fast enough. I will not be having the surgery because I cannot afford to have any type of infection with the removal of my spleen. If I the results do come back and I do have the bad version of the spots then the surgery could be pushed back until that situation is resolved. That is pretty major and it is another item that can't messed up going into the surgery. I have that appointment next Tuesday right after the PET scan I am taking to determine how large/small the tumors currently are. I feel the one in my chest has shrunk noticibly enough that it should make the surgery easier. Dr. Chipman's nurse also called me and told me that I needed to go into my general doctors office and get 3 immunization shots because of the removal of the spleen. I asked what they were and at the moment the only one I remember was menengitis and I will look up what the other ones up later. It would be nice to have known that I had to get these done right away when I saw Dr.Chipman right? How about having them done right there when I was in his office. Then again, the guy had no idea at that time why I was in his office to begin with.
So everyone out there we have to hope that the tiny dots are nothing and that the infection clears up right away.

Go Pack Go!

So far so good. Aaron Rodgers is looking good. Packers are 2-0 good things so far. My Aaron Rodgers jersey is 2-0 this season. Hell yeah!

Zips @ UW

My old roomie Jason sent me this picture of us in front Bucky at the first gameday party of the season.
Front row left to right: Jess and myself
Middle row left to right: Jason, Bill, Dave, Dani, Mr.Lawler, Tim
On the Porch: Andy
I took Jess's room when she moved out and I was roommates with Jason, Bill, and Dave. Jason, Dave, and I graduated high school together. Dani is Dave's fiance. Tim and Andy are friends of the group. This is a great picture with great people.

General Surgeon

I had my last appointment to see a doctor until the actual surgical date. Dr.Chipman is who is going to be doing the spleen removal. My first impression of the guy was not a good one. He seemed like he was still asleep or hung over. He had no idea why I was even there. Their note never transferred over to him so he had to look everything up himself. Now I have never gotten a major case of anxiety or an upset stomach in a doctors office before, but today I did and I had to remove myself from the room for a minute so I could settle down and not hurl on the guy. Everything pretty much rushed up on me all at once. I mean all of these doctors would rather tell me the negatives than what the positives are. It is just adding to me freaking out. I do understand that there is significant risk involved in all of this including paralisis and death. With the removal of the spleen I am more suseptable to infections and sepsis. If an infection does occur it is fast and can be lethal so it is a tricky thing and I have to get my immune system in great shape over the next few weeks. When we looked at my spleen I asked him the steps of the procedure and what he sees. Basically he cuts off two ends of the spleen right away the first is from the pancreas and the other is the stomach. There are also more blood vessels that need to be cut off and manuevered around. It was quite clear that I had a huge blood vessel next to my spleen that needed to be manuevered around. Because of where the tumor is on my spleen (sitting at the end next to the Kidney) it might be a bit trickier to remove from there and if the kidney was touching it and it looks like there was tissue transfer they might have to take my kidney as well. Everything is all "ifs" because they really won't know until they cut me open and start going at it. In all honesty what choice do I have? None. I can deal with the chance of crap happening to me afterwards, but "living with it" like my oncologist in Minnesota wanted me to is not an option to me. Why the hell should it be? I am 27 and I have had a large portion of my 20's taken and consumed by this damn disease. I feel I need to spread the information I have to others in my age bracket and cancer type. What helped me will help others I know it. I am bound and determined to speak to others in groups and a book if I can learn how to write in proper English and punctuations. That also is if I can keep my head together. I am on the verge of complete break down and just loosing it. I know, I know, I know there are plenty of people I can call and talk to about anything going on. Thing is that I can't really talk at the moment and I don't really want to talk to people about what is going on. Hell, ask my folks I am pretty much trying to keep the conversations short and avoiding things. Everything is just starting to build up and get under my skin. I mean look at what happened at the doctors office today. I am starting to crack. I am going into work tomorrow to try and loose my mind there then working out like a mad man tomorrow night. After that I think I am showing up to poker night over and my buddy Newmans house. Hopefully it helps out a bit.

Plastic Surgeon

Today I met with my plastic surgeon. I really like the guy. Very straight forward and kinda smug. My kind of guy. His website is www.drlandis.com So we sat down for a half an hour and had a nice conversation about the possibility of things that he could do. Option #1 was nothing. He might just leave it bare because he is not sure how much muscle and tissue will actually be taken. #2 Take muscle from just underneath my shoulder blade and stretch it around to cover the actual hole up. #3 Is to take muslce frm my left abdomin area and stretch that to cover the hole (this option is easier than #2 but I have a higher risk of a hernia down the road). #4 is the last option and that is to take a chunk of the excess fat/skin from my beer gut and transfer that (this is the least likely option). He really won't know until he gets in there and takes a look at Dr.Maddaus's job. Dr.Landis also told me that if there was a surgeon he would send his family to it would be Maddaus. I told him that he is the reason I am here in Minneapolis taking care of business. He also told me that he specializes in reconstruction surgery which made me feel a whole lot better. I really didn't want a plastic surgeon who did nothing, but boob jobs all day. He also informed me that I really will not be able to lift anything for up to 3 months after the surgery. Sounds like a bunch of fun to me.

Today has been one hell of a day besides that for me. I have an infection on the side of my leg that I went and got some ointment for and is pissing me off to no end. The chemo has made my body so suseptable to infections that I get them all of the time. The mouth sores have pretty much doubled in quantity and pain. I really can't talk for too long at a time. I try and to no avail. I am supposed to wash and gargle my mouth out with salt water to clean the wounds but it hurt so bad the first time I tried it that I said screw that noise. Now my feet are really beginning to hurt when I walk. My hands really haven't changed much at all though. This stuff needs to clear up by the end of this weekend so I can get back to working out hardcore getting my immune system and body prepared for the surgery. The surgery by the way is less than three weeks out. I am terrified still, but a bit more assured about things. I know my folks and friends are worried as well.

Tomorrow.....Spleen Doctor.

Benefit show in Minneapolis

My friend Chris or Topher has put together an unbelievable lineup of Minneapolis bands to help raise $ to pay my medical bills. The show is Sept.27th $7 cover 5pm doors and at Club Underground.

Been a while

I must say sorry for the delay on any blog I haven't written in the past week or so. As nearly everyone knows I went to Madison last weekend, but what happened Sunday night put me out of comission for a few days. I just walked in the door and started to put things away from the weekend. I started to feel kind of chilly so I went and put on my hoodie. Then my head started to throb and I felt really really sick. It was almost like the flu. I went and took my temperature and I was already at a 100. I went and layed down in bed. I was pretty much like this until Thursday morning. I had a temp. right at 102 for 4 nights in a row, I couldn't make it up the stairs without stopping to rest or catch my breath, and I was not able to sleep more than an hour or two at a time. My lungs hurts so bad during the whole thing as well. Traci kept telling me to go to the hospital and she was going to take me if I told her I needed to go but I am stubborn and that wasn't going to happen. I did decide Wednesday night that I was basically going to sweat this thing out. I wrapped myself up in towels and covered up in 4 heavy blankets. It was pretty gross and the outcome was fantastic. I felt like a million bucks Thursday morning. Almost like I had not been sick at all. I do think it was the double chemo dosage that made me that sick because I had those same effects when I was on my first type of chemo. I wonder if they gave me that type again? They are both the same color out of the bag so who knows. She did ask me about my MUGA scan again though. So just maybe they did give me the old stuff. Either way it sucked terribly four nights. As of recently I am starting to get really bad mouth sores. They are so annoying and hurt. I have four of them at the moment. My feet and hands are pretty bad too. They are getting red easily and my feet just flat out hurt after a short while. I just try to ignore them as much as I can.

This was another fun weekend. Since I was feeling better I went to Madison again to party and help cheer Bucky on to victory. It was good to see friends again and talk to people I haven't seen in a while. My dad came up and helped drain a barrel even whooped some ass in flip cup. Now I know where I get my talent from. The Badgers did give everyone a scare in the first half of the game as well, but then Bucky reared back and lit them up for 51 unanswered points to continue thier dominance of non-conference teams.

As for this coming week I have a few doctors appointments. Since I was sick last week I had to reschedule with the plastic surgeon for Wednesday. I thought initially this was going to be the most important appointment I was going to have but the surgeon performing the splenectomy is the more important one. After I read up on the procedure to remove the spleen I found out it is a pretty risky one. There is a high rate of infection and a chance of blood clots. Obviously those are two things that can lead to death quickly or a long battle afterwards. At moments I have to wonder what I am getting myself into, but what choice do I really have. I seriously hope that everything goes smooth. I am due for something good and easy to finally happening in this whole battle. I have to think that I am just worrying and readying into things to much. My biggest fear obviously is not coming out of the surgery at all. That is in the back of my mind everyday leading up to the 29th. For every surgery I had before it never was but because of the magnitude of this one it is worrying me a lot more than what I remember about before the open heart surgery. I am terrified and hopeful all in the same.

jon stewart rules

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=184086&title=sarah-palin-gender-card

New sense of myself

During times like these it is always an amazing shot in the arm to spend time with people that honestly care about you and aren't afraid to say it. It just goes to show the character of my friends. As everyone knows I went back down to Madison this past weekend to celebrate the Badgers victory over the Akron Zips. I went to Eau Claire and picked Andy up on Friday and we headed on into town. I also had a few other friends from Eau Claire who came on down to Madison to party as well. Naturally, I wanted to hang out with them as much as possible. When we all met up at Gennas up by the Capitol we had a few and decided to go and bar hop all the way down State Street. It was quite the adventure since it was Andy, myself, Bowden, Kara, Steph, and about 8 other of their friends that live in Madison. I had a really good time. So after bar close Andy and I take the drunk bus back to the house and met up with the other guys. A few of us sat out on the porch and hung out and just shot the shit for a while. I had a nice talk with my old roomie Dave and it was quite an uplifting talk about my entire situation and just life in general. Dave is always good for those talks and motivating moments. For the most part most part everyone that I have meet and interacted with while living in Madison have been really good people. I can't really saw many bad things about all of the folks that I still talk to and deal with regularly from that area. I also saw Joe Litchfield and his new girlfriend at Gennas earlier that evening after him and Jay went out for diner for his birthday. Joe is a super nice guy as well. I guess that the moral of the story here is I never really appreciated or realized how nice and awesome my friends are. Obviously, my Eau Claire and Minneapolis friends mean the world to me as well but coming back to Madison and hear the way people were expressing their concerns over my health and life was a lot more that I normally get from people. I guess I just wasn't expecting what I got. There were also quite a few things that I did hear from people and they were about how I should keep the mustache instead of growing back the beard or chin hair and the other was about how good I look physically. I haven't lost much weight at all since I started working out and eating a lot more healthier maybe 10-15lbs, but my waist has shrunk a bit and my beer gut, nuoffer chin, and chest have tightened up quite a bit. If I can notice it when I look in the mirror then I am sure everyone else can to. I heard those things so often on Friday and Saturday that it made me pretty happy about my personal decision to get into shape and feel better about my health and physique.

Saturday was a totaly riot. The morning started off pretty slow and it wasn't from a hang over but because it was so hot and there really is no shade infront of the house. I did get sunburn from it and that was going to happen regaurdless because of my sensitivity to light....thank you chemo double dose. Jay bought an 8ft inflatable Bucky and had it up next to the porch and it was hilarious to see all of the families that would walk off of the street to get their pictures infront of it. It was funny because these kids were so happy to see a big ol Bucky infront of them and then you had a bunch of drunk people everywhere. There was one guy who had his wife and two kids pose with jay who was wearing his polka lovers vest. Crazy stuff I am telling you. I spent most of the game hanging out with my friend Michelle who is an absolute sweet heart and I get along with her quite well. Her and I get along because we both have health issues (she has diabetes type1) and it is easy for us to relate and talk about our situations. I must say though that I have never in my life met someone besides myself that is more determined to accomplish their goals. It was nice to have that conversation with her and calm myself down about everything going on in my world. I can say that she is by far one of the best people that I met in Madison over my two years there. There were so many cool people I know personally or just from gameday parties. So here is a small list of people that I am going to say hey it was good to see you again. Timmy, Jess and Josh, Kenny and Danielle, Brodie and the pooch Porter, Brent, Julia, Margie, Kate(Michelles roomie), The former W house 3rd floor and company, Ryan next door, and finally Dave and Dani. If I forgot anyone...sorry. So if you haven't heard yet the Badgers rolled over the Akron Zips as well on Saturday for their first victory of the year. So far so good, but it is a non-conference game the are supposed to win. As I also predicted at the bars the night before that the Badgers were not going to cover the vegas spread and they didn't. I wish I put some cash down on it now. hahaha. Well what can I say besides the fact that another Super Saturday is in the books.

I do have to come clean about something from this weekend. I played a pretty good game face Friday and Saturday until the evening. I was in a lot of pain in my shoulder, hands, and now my feet. The doctors told me that I am going to have quite a bit more reaction to the chemo since I recieved twice the dosage. Saturday night was my breaking point though. I left the house party we were at and walked back to the house because it felt like my entire shoulder locked up. Almost like it was one big cramp, but very sharp. I pretty much slammed a ton of water trying to dilute any alcohol in my system and popped a 5mg oxycodone. Luckily Jennifer came over to see me and say hi since I was in town and rubbed my shoulder down for quite a while and it helped out tremendously. I wonder what is going on with that area. I mean it is a constant ache and sharp pain that does not go away. The doctors think it is the nerves being messed with because of the action happening in my chest. I guess that is all I can hope for.

Well party people I am calling it a night and I will write more tomorrow. I hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend. Don't labor yourself! muahahaha!

chemo day

Well today was an interesting one. I had my chemo appointment at the Masonic Cancer Center and I had a lot of weird things go down. I am now officially done with chemotherapy treatments. They actually doubled up my doses so I don't have to go back in in two weeks and it gives my body 4 full weeks to cycle the treatments through and out. This gives me a better chance of a quicker recovery after the surgery and less chances for things to happen during it. I wasn't expecting them to do that at all, but it makes complete and total sense to do that after they explained everything to me. The pain in my left shoulder blade was something of concern obviously and they didn't think the cancer spread since the reactions we were getting were overwhelmingly positive. To the them the pain is most likely the nerves in my chest forcing reactions across my shoulder. Either way it is still something they will be monitoring. So they refilled my Oxycontin 20mg pills and that pretty much takes care of everything. For those of you out there that don't really know much about medications. Oxycontin is a very strong and addictive pain med. 20mg is also a pretty large dosage. Most people receive 10mg, but because I becoming resistant to a lot of pain meds. I have to get the larger doses. Lets put it this way if someone who doesn't take a lot of pans pills at all takes one of the 20mg they would more than likely be flying high for a long time or sleep for ours on end. I also was running a 99.3 degree fever while I was there and I didn't feel any different than normal so it was really odd to hear that one. It made sense though when they said I probably have an infection where one of the Hydranitis Suprativa was and is still healing so they gave me a penicillin type drug to take to curb it. Other than that I also told them that I am starting to get winded really easily and it is not normal at all. It happens a lot when I lay down on my back. It is pretty bad and painful. Since they heard that from me they made me go have a CT scan right after the chemo doses to see if a blood clot showed up at all. I am assuming that nothing has showed up since I never heard anything back from them at all. Since I had twice my normal dosage of my chemo treatments today it also means that if I have any side effects they will be twice as bad and probably have me down and out for a week or so. They said that I almost cetrainly will have the redness and pain in my hands and feet, back pain, mouth sores for a couple of weeks, and some nausea. I feel the nausea a bit and I am on my anti-nausea pills for the time being. I really want to be off of any side medicine I can in the net couple of weeks so my body can regenerate itself and be cleansed of it. I need my immune system to be in the best shape possible for this surgery. I am terrified of something going wrong and needing my body to recover itself better. Hopefully that makes sens to people out there.

I am back in Madison this weekend rooting on the Badgers. The party is back at 136 Breese so stop on by and tell me hi if you want or just drink a few beers. I am super pumped to see the W house crew again. It will be nice to get out of the cities again and get a good ol gameday extravaganza under my belt before the surgery.

On a side note for all of you out there. My hair is finally coming in pretty thick now and it is official.....it is black. So it is a little darker than before. I am also growing a pretty sweet mustache and flavor saver. I always wanted to grow a mustache, but could never get rid of the chin hair in fear of the Nuoffer double chin appearing. The reason I am doing the mustache is because I told George whom I used to work with that I would do it when my hair was growing back.

I am also on day 4 living in Burnsville at Traci's and I am really liking it here. Traci is cool as hell and I appreciate her letting me stay here for a little while. I also think I have her addicted to Big Brother....thats right Traci you know you are!!!!

Dynamite stuff

So I saw a new article on jsonline.com that says that a new way to work with stem cells has been discovered. This is huge news for those who have an illness or disease that cannot be cured or lingers. I truly believe that cancer can be an item that can be cured through these steps.

http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=788210

Other than that not much is new here. I am still in a lot of pain in my shoulder area and am really uncomfortable all the way around. Tomorrow morning I go in for chemo and I am gonna talk to them about it and get my pain pills refilled. Friday night I am going to be in Madison for a little partying and catching up with people. Then Saturday I will be back at the W house cheering on the Badgers and getting a little rowdy if my body will let me. That is pretty much all I have planned for the weekend.

Where Do I Begin?

Let me say first off Thank You to everyone who was involved, showed up, sang, donated or just drank at The Looking Glass on Saturday night. There are a few people I want to especially point out and say "Thank You" from the bottom to the top of my heart. Jay and E-rock made the event happen and made it outstanding from what I heard. I really wish I could have been there. I heard Jay wore a pair of Dazzy Dukes for $200 and E-rock was one hell of an MC. I also want to thank Cindy and Diane for driving to Janesville and forcing people to buy raffle tickets. It really didn't surprise me to hear that those two were selling them at all. I also want to thank The Looking Glass who let this show happen and donated bottles of booze and bar $ to my funds. That is huge to find an awesome place that does things like that out of no where so to everyone out there who ever goes to Janesville please go in there and have a few sometime. It is still hard to phathom that there are so many people out there that you can know or not even know that come out to events like these and donate hard earned cash and items to raffles. Honestly, I can't believe that there are that many people out there pulling for me to get better and beat this thing. When I talked to my folks about the show I teared up pretty quick from thinking of all of the support that my family is getting from friends and complete strangers. It may sound a little wierd but I feel obligated to try and pay these people back some how or some way. The reason I feel that way is because they raised nearly $2,500 in raffle, songs, drinks, and donations. The thing that upsets me the most is the fact that I couldn't be there for it. All in all it sounds like everyone had a great time and I am really really appreciative of everyone generousity.

I know this is my first post in a while and that is from the internet being down at the Hope Lodge. Today I moved my stuff down to Traci's condo in Burnsville. I really liked staying at the Hope Lodge, but I needed to be out and about at night sometimes during the week. I have a lot of friends in bands and I would really like to go to shows and not worry about finding someones place to crash at because I can't get in after 9:30pm. It also helps me get a sense of normalcy back in my head. What I mean by that is out living on my own and taking care of things like nothing is going on. I seriously think this is going to be good for me. I am glad Traci opened the door for me to stay in her extra bedroom as well it is quite the generous offer. For those of you that don't know this, but I lived in a house with Traci and 3 other people when I was 18. So we at least know how each other lives and that is pretty good when you start out with roommates. As for the Hope Lodge I officially check out of there Friday morning giving me time to tidy up and go through their check list of move out procedures. I will be checking back in there on Friday Sept. 26th until I am back and good enough to be on my own from surgery. I still can't believe I am a month out from this thing I really am in the mood to just do it now and get it over with. I will take my chances. I just want to be back to normal and continue to fight and get rid of this nasty and destructive demon of mine. the funny thing about all of this is that I have learned so much about myself out of all of this. It is hard to explain since those of you out there are not me. Two things that are easy to point out is my sense of compassion and my determination have grown so much and I think have changed me quite a bit since this has all started over.

Thursday is when the internet went down at the Hope Lodge and I will give everyone a little update about what I have been up to since then. Thursday I was feeling absolutely terrible I mean down right sick and weak. Thats about the time that my blood counts are supposed to get low. 10-14 day after the initial chemo dosage is the low blood count time frame. I never got sick from it before but when the dosages build up over time the reactions get worse and worse as it goes. Friday, I was pretty sick still and didnt really get out of bed at all except for an hour at the gym. I slept pretty good Friday night which was an awesome change. The whole sleep issue is still a major problem of mine. I made plans earlier in the week to go grab a bite to eat with Jennifer, Wendy, and Jake. Then we went to The Uptown Bar and watch a sweet local show that had Gluv, Kingfield, Casanatra, and The Rockford Mules on the bill. We stayed and watched all of them but The Rockford Mules and went back to Jake and Wendy's house for the evening. All of the bands were awesome and I was super pumped to finally see Kingfield play. Kingfield's vocalist/guitarist Brett is a cancer survivor himself so I felt obligated to check them out besides tha fact that they are awesome anyways. Gluv was cool. They are basically a better version of their former band Vulvox as my buddy Chris pegged them as. Casanatra is always awesome and that needs no explaination. Sunday, I slept in really late and went to the cook out at Chris's house and played kickball at the monthly get together. It was a good time even though I was feeling too hot at all.

I don't know if I posted this before, but the pain is virtually gone in my chest and the lump and shrunk down to pretty much nothing. The only problem is that I am having the same terrible pains I had before in my chest in my left shoulder blade. I don't know maybe I pulled a muscle or strained it but all I know is that I hurts pretty bad. So bad that I can't sleep laying down on it. Not much I can do besides deal with it and tell the doctor when I go in for chemo on Thursday.

So for everyone out I must once again say "Thank You" for going to the benefit show in Janesville and I will post more up soon, but I am pretty tired at the moment and hopefully can fall asleep.