General Surgeon

I had my last appointment to see a doctor until the actual surgical date. Dr.Chipman is who is going to be doing the spleen removal. My first impression of the guy was not a good one. He seemed like he was still asleep or hung over. He had no idea why I was even there. Their note never transferred over to him so he had to look everything up himself. Now I have never gotten a major case of anxiety or an upset stomach in a doctors office before, but today I did and I had to remove myself from the room for a minute so I could settle down and not hurl on the guy. Everything pretty much rushed up on me all at once. I mean all of these doctors would rather tell me the negatives than what the positives are. It is just adding to me freaking out. I do understand that there is significant risk involved in all of this including paralisis and death. With the removal of the spleen I am more suseptable to infections and sepsis. If an infection does occur it is fast and can be lethal so it is a tricky thing and I have to get my immune system in great shape over the next few weeks. When we looked at my spleen I asked him the steps of the procedure and what he sees. Basically he cuts off two ends of the spleen right away the first is from the pancreas and the other is the stomach. There are also more blood vessels that need to be cut off and manuevered around. It was quite clear that I had a huge blood vessel next to my spleen that needed to be manuevered around. Because of where the tumor is on my spleen (sitting at the end next to the Kidney) it might be a bit trickier to remove from there and if the kidney was touching it and it looks like there was tissue transfer they might have to take my kidney as well. Everything is all "ifs" because they really won't know until they cut me open and start going at it. In all honesty what choice do I have? None. I can deal with the chance of crap happening to me afterwards, but "living with it" like my oncologist in Minnesota wanted me to is not an option to me. Why the hell should it be? I am 27 and I have had a large portion of my 20's taken and consumed by this damn disease. I feel I need to spread the information I have to others in my age bracket and cancer type. What helped me will help others I know it. I am bound and determined to speak to others in groups and a book if I can learn how to write in proper English and punctuations. That also is if I can keep my head together. I am on the verge of complete break down and just loosing it. I know, I know, I know there are plenty of people I can call and talk to about anything going on. Thing is that I can't really talk at the moment and I don't really want to talk to people about what is going on. Hell, ask my folks I am pretty much trying to keep the conversations short and avoiding things. Everything is just starting to build up and get under my skin. I mean look at what happened at the doctors office today. I am starting to crack. I am going into work tomorrow to try and loose my mind there then working out like a mad man tomorrow night. After that I think I am showing up to poker night over and my buddy Newmans house. Hopefully it helps out a bit.